Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE DUELLIST
A Duel is a fight, if you feel in a stew,
Between two persons with little else to do.
They usually had two “seconds” as well,
Unlike boxing, they had no loud bell.
A fairly foolish way to settle a quarrel,
Ending, quite often, with one boasting his Laurel,
Whilst the other one is injured or really quite dead,
With a most unseemly hole in his head.
“But I say, old bean, it’s been honour served”,
“Never let it be said that from duty I’ve swerved”.
Such Victorian era sentiment prevailed,
Against which commonsense sadly paled.
So called “upper classes” this practice did follow,
In such foolish sentiment they did wallow.
Enter now Sir Sebastian Snickerbokker,
A very rude man a universal mocker.
He’d deride all that he surveyed,
His welcome he usually overstayed.
He went to his special Gentleman’s club,
Where he felt he had received an unwarranted snub,
From another member, Sir Algernon Hull,
Who’d implied that all Snickerbokker’s were stupid and dull.
He slapped Sir Algernon on the face with a glove,
And then leaned forward to give him a shove.
“I say, Sir, you bounder, you cad!”
“Satisfaction just has to be had”.
“We’ll meet on the rugby field at dawn”,
“And you’ll surely wish you’d not been born”.
“You may, your weapon simply choose”,
“And you’d better choose well for I think you’ll lose”.
Sir Algernon now some pistols he chose,
Feeling vindicated from some of his woes.
Our “seconds” we’ll choose at a time much later,
We want solid men, neither a traitor.
Came the dawn, it was not even light,
Sir Algernon got up ready to fight.
He made his way out to meet his “second”,
And he saw him as he feebly beckoned.
“Come, Sir Algernon, to the Rugby field”,
“But it’s not too late to desist and yield”.
“Honour must be served!” he lamely said.
“Although it would be fine if I stayed in bed”.
They reached the field in the morning mist
In good timing for their desperate tryst
Dressed in black, each with a Top Hat,
Said Sir Sebastian, “I’m glad I’m thin and not fat”,
“A smaller target I will make”,
Sir Algernon began to quake.
The “seconds” said, “Stand back to back”.
Each did so for courage they did not lack.
“Then take ten paces and turn and fire”.
Now they were certainly down to the wire
And so each duellist did what they were told,
Pacing the distance in a manner most bold
Sir Algernon maintained a rapid short pace,
And so he was first to turn and face,
Sir Sebastian across the rugby field.
And rapid movement he did not yield.
“Bang!” His pistol did fire out,
And Sir Sebastian gave a loud shout!
“I’m hit”, said he, hand to his head.
Instantly he then fell down dead!
What can be drawn from this miserable tale?
If ever one is challenged don’t ever fail,
To stay well on the side of the meek,
And heed the advice to turn the other cheek!
