Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE HIGHWAYMAN
A form of robbery, in days of yore,
Made travelling a danger, a bit of a chore.
Whether travelling by horse or by coach,
The Highwayman would on your safety encroach.
These thieves were very tiresome churls,
Given to robbing Barons and Earls,
In fact they would rob just about anyone,
Robbing the rich, however, was much more fun.
Ladies of class were particularly worthy,
Although in a hold-up they became rather nervy.
Mrs McGintee had an umbrella,
She poked him hard saying, “You’re a very rude fella”.
A brace of pistols the vagabond carried
And with a sword he regularly parried.
Dick Turpin was such a figure in history,
Contributing positively to the highwayman mystery.
Their favourite booty was diamonds and pearls,
Coin of the Realm in a bag with canvas furls,
These are what appealed to the vagabond
And with these he would quickly abscond
Lurking behind trees for a period long,
To fill in time he sang the highwayman’s song,
“Oi loiks to jump right out,”
“With a screeching highwayman’s shout”
“I loiks to terrify folks real bad,”
“I don’t spread happiness but oi’m not sad”
“So quickly now turn out your pockets”
“And replace your eyes in their sockets”
“For oi’ll not harm a hair on your head,”
“But if you don’t cough up I’ll shoot you dead!”
The highwayman felt happy after singing his song,
And just then a stage coach came along.
The coachman called, “Oi, what’s your game?”
Barrington for that’s the highwayman’s name,
Replied in kind, “Oi’d loik your passengers to come out,”
“Or oi’l have to start knocking them about!”
Said the coachman, “shouldn’t you say: “Stand and deliver?”
Barrington’s pistols were all aquiver,
“Oi don’t deliver, oi take away”,
“So come on, fork out for me it’s payday”,
“Oi want all your money and jewels”,
“And remember, oi don’t have time for fools.”
“Oi be from Somerset oi do be,”
“Oi talk so ‘cos oi’ve been drinking coider see”,
(Cider is very popular in Somerset,
you’ll get it in any Tavern I’ll bet).
That about wraps up our highwayman tale,
If you were paying attention you could hardly fail,
Especially if you're a Duke or an Earl,
To regard the highwayman as a vagabond churl.
