Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE ROCKETEER
Here we do have a cautionary tale,
It should be taken to heart without fail.
The matter concerns young Reginald Waring,
Who had a reputation for always swearing.
Did he obtain the habit from his Mommy?
Whilst he gestated in her tummy.
Or was the predilection from his daddy?
Who, after all, was a bit of a laddy.
Reginald gave a nasty turn to the vicar,
Something, it was, to do with his “ticker”.
Because he came out with a preposterous word,
That the vicar thought to be filthily absurd.
Reginald came out with so many “bloopers”,
You’d think there was a regiment of troopers.
His Mommy did ask, “what’s got into his brain?”
For my dear Reginald to be so profane.
Yes, his Mommy was quite aghast,
At Reginald’s latest blast!
He once swept his teacher clear off her feet,
The words on his lips made her heart skip a beat.
His vile words came out in such a rush,
They’d even make a sailor blush!
But Reginald thought it would be a total bore,
If, indeed, he never swore.
He was so inured to language foul,
Yes, verbal excrement from the lip “bowel”.
He was so terribly profane, you see,
If he was ever interviewed on T.V.,
His recorded responses would be just “bleeps”,
The kind of thing used for foul-mouthed creeps,
He would never be loquacious with language clean,
Always preferring the vile and obscene.
So what to do, what can be done?
With such a rapscallion foul mouthed son.
They thought they’d stop giving him sweets,
They decided, in fact, to stop all treats.
They made an extravagant “swearing jar”,
A dollar to be put in if swearing, but it didn’t go far.
It was full in next to no time at all,
And Daddy had to make the call,
That is to say, provide the money,
So the idea was expensive, beyond being funny.
One day the family did on holiday travel,
They went to a beach near Cape Canaveral,
The timing was simply not the best
For they were preparing for a rocket test.
Although they had planned to lie on the beach,
The Rocket Base was quite easy to reach.
So they drove right into the observatory area,
The rocket, on it’s launch pad couldn’t be glarier.
Reginald quietly slipped right away,
And sneaked on to the launch pad bay.
There were lots of things flashing and beeping,
That comforted Reginald as he was creeping.
(The beeping reminded him of his T.V. interview)
(When censorial beeping blocked his vitriol spew)
To the wide open rocket door,
The most enticing thing he ever saw.
He sneaked right in, just in time,
As the technicians sounded the starting chime,
They started the count from ten down to one
Then the technician pressed the button with his thumb.
“We have lift-off the loud speak spat”,
Unaware that they had a passenger brat!
The rocket maintained it’s course for the moon,
The furtherest that Reginald had ever “flewn”!
He peeped out of the porthole at a receding earth
Failing to see the moral or the mirth,
That the cure for his incessant swearing,
Was to be in a rocket on a moon-bound bearing!
