Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE SUMO
In Japan the Sumo wrestler is highly regarded,
In other countries the unfamiliar might think them retarded
Because, you must admit, they look rather odd
Looking, as they do, like a super size clod.
They must have about them muscles abundant,
But you’d agree that the fat makes them redundant,
Or, at the very least hidden beneath so much flesh.
And on a hot day they might not smell so fresh.
Nevertheless, many are famous and revered,
When they win a bout they are loudly cheered,
And champions are rewarded with wealth,
Which is just as well, as they don’t look in good health.
Morbidly obese, this phrase comes to mind,
When, very fat people, you increasingly find,
Pretty much all over the western world,
Where eating wholefood ideas have been expelled.
But Sumo’s, in junk food, do not indulge,
Their diet is contrived to increase their bulge.
A picture that a champion does make,
Is that of a fleshly cellulitis quake.
Now the wrestling matches are strange indeed,
Every intricate manoeuvre one must heed.
The concept of the match is a complicated thing,
It involves throwing your opponent out of the ring.
But not in the manner of Western wrestling,
Where the boards of the ring are supported by trestling,
Where killer Kowalski lifts his opponent high,
And helicopters him over the ropes to say goodbye.
The Sumo ring seems to be made on the sand,
The momentum by bulldozing and a hand,
On the skimpy sash that they’re to wear,
And so the gigantically enormous pair,
Waddle and push and pull as much as they dare.
Until one of them is finally out of the ring,
Of the others the audience their praises to sing.
The limited meaning, of this, that we might snatch.
May well be compared to a boxing match,
In which blood does usually flow,
Before that final bell, ringing, does go.
So perhaps Sumo Wrestling, more civilized may be,
Than other contact sports into the fray be.
The pandemonium is more controlled,
The virtues are equally loudly extolled.
Boxing has a more obstreperous factor,
With each fighter a sportsman and also an actor.
We may wonder in our preposterous thinking,
Particularly if we have been secretly drinking,
Whether a Sumo-Samurai combination would be wise,
A plump warrior swordsman of super-size.
To meet such an opponent would surely be daunting,
Particularly, if a Samurai sword he was flaunting!
Such a notion would be stuff of nightmares,
With damage inflicted beyond most repairs.
So very much sounder and safer me thinks,
To stick to a game such as tiddlywinks.
