Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

THE TRAVEL AGENT

Cornelius Flabbergast was an agent of travel.
All your travel plans he’d help you unravel.
By land, air or sea, he’d arrange for where you’d be.
All this, of course, for a considerable fee.
Now, because Cornelius happened to be dyslexic,
Most itineraries turned out to be quite hectic.

Mavis Crabapple booked a trip to Kalamazoo,
Cornelius booked her to Timbuktu.
And, as if that just wasn’t enough,
She arrived without her baggage stuff.
It had been lost in that airline baggage void,
That notional black hole unexplainable even by Freud.
Just exactly where all that lost baggage went?
Certainly not to where it was booked in to be sent.
When Mavis finally arrived back from Mali via Chad,
She’d found the trip through Burkina Faso not too bad.
But, of course, she was no where near Michigan’s Lake,
Almost all of her travel documents were wrong and fake.

Cornelius now had yet another client.
This one cooperative, even more pliant.
Kim Chee was that gentleman’s name.
And, of course, Asia’s from where he came.
He had an urgent need to travel to Hong Kong.
Cornelius misinterpreted and flew him to Zhaodong.
Zhaodong is over two thousand kilometres north,
Of Hong Kong, so before venturing forth,
It would be wise, a good travel agent to hire,
To avoid unnecessary detours, and problems dire.

Cornelius was asked to book a Rhine Cruise.
A customer fancied a week of fine grape booze.
He had all the vaccinations to protect against germs.
He did not feel good at Baden Baden. Even worse at worms.
So when the cruise reached Dusseldorf he decided to get right off.
This was just so very sad, as he couldn’t scoff,
The fine Germanic cuisine on offer,
Restaurants everywhere willing to proffer.
And so he flew right back to London town,
To his own bed where he could lie down.

Travel can be tinged with risk,
Perhaps a ptomaine poisoned bisque.
Or a thief to rob you of money and papers,
And other villains with different dishonest capers.
Perhaps a movie star quite handsome,
Could be kidnapped and held for ransom.
One’s car, train or bus could crash,
Necessitating hospitalisation at a dash.
If by sea, your ship could sink,
Resulting in the most awful stink,
Because if one is to be lost at sea,
Where to send the ticket refund, administratively.
So many potential problems, so much risk,
Think most carefully, before you decide to frisk,
Down to your friendly travel agent,
Whether booking intention be to Kirkcaldy or Kent.