Hi, guys!
This morning, my psyche presented me with a new unpleasant gift. More precisely, she brought it up at night, at four in the morning. I woke up from a massive panic attack with a popping heart and a cold sweat. It took me about an hour to calm down. I didn’t wake up my husband, in any case it would only lead to the fact that he would not get enough sleep, because he could not make my body stop thinking that he is dying.
Another surprise awaited me in the morning. It turned out that I woke up - and I could not speak. Only rare individual words, and even then it requires inhuman efforts on my part. I've had this before, and I know it will go away as soon as the strongest anxiety releases me. It just takes time.
I have already said that on Friday I signed up for a group of support for people with TIR, and, on the one hand, I am looking forward to it, but on the other hand, I am scared. I always feel very, very uncomfortable in a new atmosphere, with strangers. But I hope everything goes well. Anyway, the organizer is very friendly.
I was cleaning my facebook, and found pictures that I drew in the last acute psychosis, about 4 years ago. It was an event that divided my life into before and after. Then I gained 25 kilograms because of the pills, which I am still struggling with (so far I have managed to lose ten), I was very bad, and again because of the pills I slept 23 hours out of 24 a day. I really would not want to return to the same point, so now I am doing everything that I have enough strength to do for the sake of strengthening my mental health.
My doctor agreed to see me this week, and, apparently, I will be put on a psychiatric account. Of the advantages, this greatly facilitates the hospitalization procedure, if the need arises, and sometimes it arises, I just haven’t dared to do it yet.
I remain an incorrigible optimist, and next week I have already signed up for my aerial gymnastics training. I'm really looking forward to them :)
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber