"Meaning" is Bearing Your Own Burden and Finding Joy in It
“The purpose of life is finding the largest burden that you can bear and bearing it.”
-Jordan B. Peterson
An old Mongoose Publishing commission
Today has been 3 months at a new job. By day I've been doing metal fabrication and installation. I work for a company that builds luxury camper trailers and I find it to be a pretty fun job. I really have enjoyed it so far. I don't wake up every morning hating the fact that I have to go there. On the side I still freelance and yesterday I just finished a recent commission for one of my regular clients, Mongoose Publishing. On top of that, if you have been following me on here, I've also been going to school full time at the Academy of Art University. I'm currently about one third the way through their illustration program and I'm really loving it.
To many this seems like a lot and if I'm honest, I'm really tired all the time and I don't have much in the way of free time. But I have found "joy" in bearing a large burden. For a while, freelancing in and of itself wasn't cutting it. It was embarrassing because I felt emasculated by the fact that I wasn't where I wanted to be. And for a while I was banging my head against the wall trying to do the same things that were not working over and over again. I had to stop, assess myself and my life, and make some needed changes and realize some hard truths.
My career as a freelancer was stillborn. There was nothing I could do to push past the barriers I was experiencing on my own.
Because it was a failure, that means money was not consistent enough to warrant even calling it a career. I had to face the fact that because my dream, as I had envisioned it, failed, I had to correct my course and that meant making a couple choices I didn't want to make if I was honest with myself.
I had to admit that I needed to find work outside of freelancing illustration. It didn't mean I had to stop freelancing, just that I needed to have it be a supplemental income thing while a day job brought in the consistent paycheck. If this is what I really wanted, to be a professional illustrator, than I need to be prepared to work hard at it from a multiple of angles. If that meant working 40+ hours a week and coming home tired to work on art, so be it. I'll do that.
I had to admit that I had reached a point in my studies where I could no longer learn more on my own. My personal skills and knowledge are obviously limited and I couldn't progress to the level I needed to be at to compete and find the work I needed. So I needed to go back to school and learn from people more skilled than me. I wanted to say, "I'm self taught and I learned everything on my own. Screw art school!"... I guess I needed to be humbled.
So why am I talking about all of these seemingly different things? Well it's to encourage people but a the same time warn them. Jordan Peterson is 100% correct in the above quote. His words and lectures inspired me to make the changes I've made in my life. Today I had a review at my job and received a raise. I was given a lot of encouragement from my employers that I was considered valuable to the company and that I earned the raise.
I found the biggest burden I could bear, working full time at a day job, still trying to freelance, and going to school full time (4 classes). I threw myself into it with all of my strength and the rewards have been great so far. I received a raise at work, I'm keeping my grades in all of my classes at A's and B's, I'm breaking through my learning barriers and seeing improvement in my work, and I have found joy.
I really do believe that if you take Peterson's advice you will find meaning in your life. But it isn't free. Nothing is free. You have to sacrifice. You have to work hard and sacrifice now in order to successfully negotiate with the future. When you bear that heavy burden voluntarily, you are straddling the line between order and chaos and in that balance, you feel those feelings of "paradise". At least, that is what I observe in my own life.
So if you want something, you have to be ready to be tired and work hard for it, but it will feel good, even as you journey towards that goal.