Inwards

I’ve been pretty down lately and in the I don’t want to talk about it funk followed by wishing to disappear into hiding somewhere, preferably under fluffy safety from the world and humans blanket. It happens. I still don’t want to talk about it. Deleted neglected failed attempts to word. Meanwhile, I have been speaking, but in a different language. What does it say? Oops! The translator must be broken, but my guess would be it is something quite dark and silly at the same time such as the seemingly grim, yet comforting mantra of nothing really matters.

Snap out of it! Ok. Here. Passes the sketch pads from underneath the blanket. I will go and learn how to bake some cookies now. The oat kind with raisins. Of course, with my mom’s help and recipe. They usually turn out super delicious. Mmm. Carbohydrates! Is not going to be the one eating the cookies. Seems like all we do here is learn, master, and fail. All-day, every day. Some days we share, some days we crawl back into our shells and sit there for a while clueless in the dark until it all makes sense and we crawl out again. That is what I do anyway.



All I am not even sure I want to share any of these or anything at all now or ever again silliness aside, here are a bunch of sketchy inks as I am trying to figure out shading and such. I still have no idea what I am doing, but despite my fucked up mood and lack of skills, I enjoyed working on them.

Progress takes time, patience, and persistence. Got to keep working, got to keep drawing! Besides, I recently found a bunch of old drawings and thought damn I used to be much more ballsy with my approach and experiments. I used to draw some surrealistic charcoal stuff too. Heh. Yeah. Then I stopped for years. Not a single doodle. Nothing. Because of doubt, because of frustration and comparison. The tiny voice of not good enough. Those are creeping there in the darkness now as well, but I will not go out without a fight this time around!