Nearly every post of mine started out like this. A few words that led to full sentences then end with punctuation marks! Oops. Wrong one.
I have a lot on my mind right now. That's nothing unusual though. I always do. It never ends.
Thoughts.
Are they on my mind or are they in my mind?
I've always written about what's on my mind. Nearly every post I've published here started with one word and no plan. Once the words begin to flow from my mind to my fingers then eventually this screen, nothing can stop them.
It's interesting how the reader will sometimes apply their own emotions to the written word, then assume the author felt the same way.
Some of my funniest writing was created on my darkest days.
It's interesting how the writer can toy with the mind of the reader. Everything from the news to a novel is designed to manipulate. Video games, movies, music; those do it as well. If the one consuming is truly paying attention they might find themselves laughing, being afraid, tearing up, becoming angry.
What I'm doing right now takes great discipline; responsibility.
If I'm not careful, I can place a murder scene within your mind, out of nowhere, like I did, just now. That wasn't nice.
I didn't mean to do it.
She had been yelling at me all day. About everything.
I didn't hit her. She fell.
You don't believe me. Why?
It's because you didn't know about the part when I yelled back. You don't know that was the first time after ten years of marriage, I finally snapped. You don't know how much bullshit I had been dealing with! You don't know how she steals my money to buy cocaine! You don't know how she goes out and fucks on me! You don't know how I've been raising this family all on my own for seven years!
And you don't know...how hard...I tried...to fix this.
I never once got mad. I've been sad.
For ten years I've been sad and I hate these fucking pills!
I scared her.
She's tiny. I stood up. Angry. I could not stop myself from yelling...
"Suck my motherfuckin' dick!"
I'm certain even the neighbors heard that. Her eyes went big, the jaw dropped, she lost her balance and went thump thump thump thump thump all the way down the stairs.
Everyone will think I pushed her. My god there's blood everywhere!
The neighbors heard me yelling. We all know how this ends.
This just in: Credible sources tell us yet another man has killed his wife in a fit of rage. Neighbors say he was demanding oral sex shortly before the incident and she refused.
The kids have already seen her. They didn't see the fall. They laughed at mommy.
This isn't the first time they've seen her sleeping on the floor. The blood didn't register. The puddle was small then. They're in the playroom now and that puddle stopped growing an hour ago. She's finished.
I don't know what to do.
So selfish! I'm so goddamn selfish! Thinking about me at a time like this...
I'm going to jail. They're going to fucking kill me in there. Anyone who hurts a woman wears the mark. I'm fucked. I am so fucked.
I gotta clean this up.
I'll throw her in the trash. It's garbage day tomorrow.
That's my only option.
I need to buy a new saw.
"Kids! We're going shopping!"
"Yayyyyyyyy!"
