Have you ever wondered why everyone is talking so much about love? Thousands of studies, millions of songs, many films, an endless number of friendly conversations are devoted to this elusive feeling. But no matter how much they talk about love, no matter how many scientists explain its chemical processes with the help of their formulas, it still remains a mystery. This feeling comes without invitation and leaves without warning, not submitting to any rules and warnings. Katya Kondurushkina's amazingly daring article on the relationship of modern people opens the secret to how to recognize true love among many other feelings.
How to understand that you love someone?
Do you always want this person? Well, this attraction.
Are you interested in him? Well, it's friendship.
Do you admire what he does and how cool he does it? This is respect.
Do you like the way he treats you and what are you like with him? This narcissism.
Usually love is involved in all this together, but there is one thing that categorically distinguishes love from this set of attributes.
This is the desire to share. That is, everyone - in the sense of his life and time in it - not only to satisfy his needs at the expense of this person (to sleep with him, to receive benefits, admiration and satisfaction of desires here and now), but because you have a relationship A great joint project, not always simple, not always consisting only of pleasures, but having great potential and the need for investment - investments of care, trust, devotion, time, strength, generosity, affection, acceptance, patience, sincerity, kindness and admiration.
This is all - that is - and is the value of the relationship. When you create something in common, together, trusting each other and supporting each other, admiring each other, wanting and loving: yourself, each other and the things that you create together.
We stopped believing in it. We believe in loot and pleasure.
We have become superficial and cowardly - we can not dare to trust and become attached. We do not believe in love and friendship, because at every step we ourselves continually encourage those things that are really to be ashamed of: pettiness, meanness, debauchery and hypocrisy, which began to roll out to all for show and turned into attributes of a successful and determined citizen. I'm not talking about girls who perform the role of chihuahua from their master in exchange for loot and grooming. I am now talking about adult independent people, sometimes intelligent and even educated. I mean, you know, a cosmopolitan who prefers the so-called free relationship (That is, no one is nothing to anyone - like that).
There was a substitution of concepts. A terrible thing has happened, which always happens with some good idea, when it falls into the hands of irresponsible scoundrels. And so, let's say, independence has turned into an infantile reluctance to work on relationships, invest in them, be honest in them and make choices in their favor, even if sometimes you have to give up something very tempting. No, this all has lost its value. Trust has lost its value.
It suddenly became for some reason normal to talk nasty things behind your friend's back and have a connection on the side, being in a relationship. For the fact that a person speaks at a muckery party about a friend of hiss, he does not receive a blow in the face or silent ignoring in response, we do not turn around and do not leave this person off - we listen to him, drink with him and add as a friend on Facebook. Because he's fashionable. Or famous. Or what else?
For some reason, a person who is in a relationship with another person and even telling him the magic words "I love you", without a shame and a twinge of conscience, sleeps in parallel with other people, tells this to his acquaintances and does not become a scoundrel and hypocritical bastard for everyone. He remains a good friend and he is not declared a boycott for betrayal, because, well, how - everyone is free to decide how to deal with their relations. And in general it's just that he is such a temperamental man, he has too much sexuality and he is such a marathoner. He is not a scoundrel, not a deceiver and not a fraud, but just very sexy all this.
And now we encourage all of this - being inert, indifferent, tolerant and politically correct.
And, as is known, when a person encourages something in relation to other people, it means that he does not mind being treated like that. Here they go all with their tail pinned: that and look, someone will climb into their pants or under a skirt inadvertently - and remember how they called.
Better immediately by mutual consent without obligations and for money. And even if you want this person, you are interested in him, maybe you are even totally delighted with what he does and how you feel with him, and you have excellent sex - but suddenly you will not burn out, so I put my eggs in different baskets.
And so it is impossible. Love is not a small coin, boys and girls. "
With most of these conclusions one can not disagree. Mankind has really become much more cynical and freer in moral terms. Under the motto "Less principles - more goals," we rush through life, only occasionally stopping slightly to look into the eyes of the person on the way. But there are still romantics who look into one eyes all their lives. And they know exactly what it's like to be truly happy.
