Secrets of an Amazing Marriage:
Prepare to Transform Your Relationship!
INTRODUCTION
Do you know where to find the SECRETS to an amazing marriage? I’m going to
cut right to the chase and tell you.
The secrets to an AMAZING marriage are found in the FOUNDATION!
That’s right…your happiness in marriage will be DIRECTLY related to the health
and stability of your relationship’s FOUNDATION.
So…here are my questions…
Are you satisfied with your marriage?
Are you fulfilled spiritually and emotionally?
Are you happy?
Is your spouse happy?
The reason why many people have to answer “no” to one or more of those
questions is that they fail to understand the nature of relationships. Because it’s so easy
for us to fall in love, we assume that it SHOULD be easy to stay in love.
I’m here to tell you that STAYING in love takes commitment. This is why we have
marriage vows during wedding ceremonies. Remember the vows you made? Assuming
yours was a fairly traditional ceremony, you pledged to “forsake all others” and stay with
your mate “in sickness or in health, poverty or wealth” – “until death you do part.”
Now, here’s the challenge…
Think of a car. If, while driving, you take your hands off the steering wheel, what
happens? The car drifts to the right. If you allow the drift to continue, it will crash.
Likewise, your relationships (be it your marriage or your friendships) will drift
away from where they should be – and will “crash” if that drift continues.
It takes conscious, deliberate, and decisive effort to keep your relationships on
track. That’s what this free e-book is all about – to help you put your marriage back on
track, and enjoy an amazing relationship with your husband or wife!
This electronic booklet and its accompanying e-course provide a simple, step-bystep
plan to help you unlock the secrets of success for your marriage. If you follow this
plan, with God as your ultimate guide, then you should prepare for dramatic results!
So, let’s get to it…
STEP : 1
Take Responsibility for Your Life, Reputation, and Marriage
I can’t help but feel that I might lose some readers right here. Some of you
reading this e-book have been dealt a bad hand in the game of life. Let’s face it. Life is
not always fair, and some people have more than their fair share of tragedy and
challenge. You may feel like life is literally against you. There could be numerous
circumstances or people working against you.
I’ve counseled quite a few people over the years, and I know that life can be
hard. That it can deal some pretty severe blows. But as battered as you may be, it is
your life, and…
YOU have a choice to make.
And here it is….
You can take responsibility for your life and situation
….OR….
You can try to point the finger and pass the blame to
someone or something else.
The choice you make it up to you, but the stakes are too high to ignore. You have
only one life and there is no restart button. This isn’t a video game, where you can
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earn bonus lives through the accumulation of points or where you can simply load up a
new game if things start to go badly. This is it. You have one life. What are you going to
do with yours?
It’s at this realization that some people just throw up their hands and resign
themselves to mediocrity or disappointment. Others lose themselves in depression or
escapism (drugs, alcohol, etc.). The fact that you have only one life should not send
you deeper into despair or depression, no matter how tough things are for you right
now. It should motivate you to drive your personal flag into the ground, and take your
stand!
You may have lost several jobs, had trouble with the kids, suffered failures and
setbacks in friendships or relationships. Now is not the time to throw in the to
If you’re in that camp, I ask you to bear with me a few minutes longer. Give me a
chance to show you how a “Me versus Life” perspective is only hurting you. If you want
to rise above your adversity and circumstances, you must open your eyes, ears, and
mind to whatever lessons (however personal or painful) that God wants you to learn.
Things Happen for a Reason
Life may seem random, but it really isn’t. Things happen for a reason. The
random element is solely our personal perspective. For example, to those working high
up in the World Trade Center the morning of September 11, 2001, the horrific tragedy of
planes flying into their office buildings seemed random. They were taken completely by
surprise. When those New York office workers were coming to work that day, not one
person thought: “Hey, today could be the day that Osama bin Laden attacks us with
hijacked airplanes.”
But “randomness” and “surprise” are merely perspectives. The terrorists who
planned and executed the attack weren’t surprised when their planes crashed into the
buildings. To them, the attack wasn’t “random.” It was intentional and orchestrated.
Let’s take nature. While no terrorist organization planned or orchestrated
Hurricane Katrina, climate forces did. Any meteorologist can explain how nature came
together to form the elements that unleashed Katrina’s destructive fury on the innocent
people of Louisiana and Mississippi. From the perspective of the family living in
downtown New Orleans, Katrina was “random.” From nature’s perspective, however,
there was a clear, scientific explanation.
As I write this e-book, Wilmington, Ohio (the town in which I currently live) is
facing serious economic hardship, with thousands of area residents out of work! The main (though not exclusive) cause was the decision made by its major employer to shutter operations and lay off over 6,000 people – a devastating move in a county of only 40,000 people!
Was it random?
From the perspective of those victimized by layoffs, it’s a surprise, to be sure. But
there were economic forces and human decisions that influenced and determined the
situation. For example, the rising oil prices dramatically increased the company’s
operating costs. It’s an air freight operation. What’s more, consider the numerous
political decisions over the years that caused this one air carrier to hold such a
dominant and commanding presence in the region’s economy. The entire city of
Wilmington, Ohio became economically dependent on this one company.
And…consider the decision made by the individuals who worked at the airport. They
made the decision to work there, as opposed to somewhere else, putting them at risk,
when something like this would happen.
That last explanation may seem unfair, but think about it. In spite of all the
economic uncertainty over the last couple decades, Americans continue to base their
livelihood on one or maybe two sources of income. And, in most cases, those sources
of income are paychecks from companies over which they have little influence and no
control.
This is where most people will recoil and protest: “What choice do we have?”
The truth is that we have plenty of choices. But we live like mice in a maze. We
just go through the motions of life, with no sense or idea of the “Big Picture.”
Do you understand “cause and effect”? Don’t breeze by that question. Let me
ask it again…
Do you understand --- really, truly understand – the
principle of CAUSE and EFFECT?
Every effect has a cause. (Incidentally, this is the greatest argument for the
existence of God. Could the universe just randomly create itself? Just like the
universe…Every effect has a cause.) Yet most people focus only on the effects. In
fact, they live in the effects, and pay little attention to the causes. This is tragic, and it’s
frankly one of the reasons why so many marriages are suffering – and failing.
Take a look at the nation’s math scores and our woeful lack of knowledge of
history. Both of these subjects emphasize cause-and-effect, and our country’s poor
academic performance in these subjects shows us that the problem is just getting
worse.
Those who grasp basic math and appreciate history understand “cause and
effect.” They understand that things happen for a reason, and that if we want to change
outcomes, we must alter that which produces those outcomes.
Math is all about numeric equations. It’s your introduction to critical thinking and
analysis. If you are rusty on your math, get an e-book or a video to refresh yourself. I’m
serious. Take some time to work out the kinks and the rust in your brain. Practice some
math problems. You can also try your hand at logic puzzles and games, like Sudoku.
In addition to revisiting and improving your math skills, I strongly encourage you
to start watching the History Channel and reading some e-books on history. “But that’s
boring!” you protest. Well, don’t complain about your lot in life then!
If you want to understand why certain people succeed and others don’t, history is
the best place to start. There were reasons why Christopher Columbus gets the credit
for “discovering” the New World, even though he wasn’t the first human being on the
continent or even the first European to arrive. There are reasons why the United States
became an independent nation. It wasn’t dumb luck or random happenstance. There is
an explanation for how J.P. Morgan got enormously wealthy, and why so many people
in the so-called “robber baron” era could barely feed or shelter themselves!
The “cause-and-effect” principle is the very theme of history. Consider World War
II, which cost the lives of 45-55 million people! Yet, did you know that, were it not for
World War I (especially how it ended), the Second World War might never have
happened?
Let’s focus on individuals. Take the fifteenth and sixteenth Presidents. Why do
we regard Abraham Lincoln as one of our greatest Presidents, while his immediate
predecessor is universally regarded as a failure? Is it because people over the years
chose to discriminate against or unfairly scapegoat James Buchanan? Of course not!
Now, let’s bring this to where you and I live. Why do some employees get
favored treatment? Why does so-and-so around the corner make more money than
you? Why did your friend get promoted – and not you? Why does your neighbor earn a
six-figure salary, while you still struggle paycheck to paycheck? Why is your marriage unhappy, and yet you see other couples who appear to be deeply in love? Why? Why? Why?
The questions range from personal issues to health challenges to money matters
to professional goals and aspirations.
Now here’s MY question…
Do you REALLY want to know the answers to those questions?
Or do you just want to vent and complain? If the latter, I submit to you that you’ll
probably be waiting a long time for your life to get better.
The principles in this ebook can help you achieve the life you want, but you’ll
have to work your way through this painful and difficult process first. You have to stop
shaking your fist at life and demanding “justice” or “fairness.”
Instead, you need to step back – and as objectively as you can – study your
life and the “Big Picture” around it. If you want answers, you best be willing to hear
them. Some of the answers you may not want to hear, but you need to hear them.
Zooming Out
Once you accept that things happen for a reason, you then need to fix your
position. Where do you fit in the “Big Picture”?
Have you used Mapquest? You can pinpoint a location by providing an address –
and zeroing in on that spot. When you do that, however, your view is limited only to that
immediate area. If you want to see more of the surrounding area, you have to zoom out.
The further out you go, the more you can see. You need to do this with your life.
The truth is that we are often so close to our situation that we’re unable to
exercise any sound judgment or discover any solutions to our problems. Give yourself a
bird’s eye view of your life by “zooming out.”
We’ll use the workplace as an example. I’ve worked on both ends of the
spectrum. I’ve been an employee and I’ve been the boss. I can tell you that it’s much
easier being the employee. But…I can also tell you that the only way you will grow
professionally and achieve any kind of meaningful success in your career is by seeing
your company from the boss’s perspective.
Most people focus only on themselves. The average worker sees his job solely
as a source of income and benefits. He wants to make as much money as possible, and
get as many vacation days, sick days, and other benefits as possible. And he wants to
get all that by doing as little work as possible. When a company policy comes down
from the top, he views that policy solely from his perspective. How will it affect his pay,
his benefits, or his day-to-day work environment?
The boss, on the other hand, must concern herself not only with her welfare, but
with the health and viability of the organization overall. A good boss understands that if
the organization falters or fails, everyone’s pay and benefits are at risk. And she accepts
responsibility for insuring the health of the organization. In undertaking that task, she will
sometimes ask for more work and/or greater sacrifices from the employees. She’ll ask
for a “team” commitment to the organization overall, rather than a self-centered focus on
one’s own piece of the pie. It’s a completely different perspective, and the higher up you
go in the “boss” ranks, the more responsibility you must accept.
You do not necessarily have to be the boss to understand the boss. You certainly
don’t have to wait until you’re a boss, before you adopt the boss’s perspective. And you
shouldn’t wait that long. The sooner you can put yourself in the mindset of the boss, the
better things will be for you on the job.
The dynamic is the same if you’re a boss without direct authority. For example,
I’m a pastor. As the pastor, I’m the leader of the church. But I don’t have direct power or
authority over the congregation. They are volunteers. They choose to be a part of the
church, and for that matter, they have the power to vote me out as pastor, if they so
choose. But, so long as I’m the pastor, I’m responsible for the health and welfare of the
congregation. That’s my role.
Shortly after being ordained and while preparing to leave my home church, my
pastor brought me in his office and gave me these words of advice: “Don’t think like the
sheep. Think like a shepherd.” The word “pastor” comes from the word “shepherd,” and
a church is often likened in the New Testament to a herd of sheep. My pastor was
telling me to think like a leader and not a follower.
Having since served as a pastor myself, I completely understand his wisdom.
When the pastor announces changes for a church, he sees the changes as necessary
to improve the church overall. The individual parishioner views the changes as how they
will affect him or her personally. This is what makes church politics so difficult. And if
you don’t think churches are political, then you don’t have very much experience in
churches.
Whether we’re talking about your church, your job, or your neighborhood
organization, do you have the mindset of a leader? If you do, keep it up. If you don’t,
start. Study leadership.
Choose to Improve
If you’re not satisfied with your life at present, you must choose to improve it.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that there’s no hope or that it’s too much for you. While
you won’t be able to fix everything over night and there will be some areas over which
you have (at least for now) little control, you can still improve your situation.
The Second Continental Congress euphorically declared independence from
Great Britain in July 1776. By December, the cause was all but lost. George
Washington’s untrained Continental army had disintegrated to a poorly supplied and
woefully dispirited shadow of its former self. Just a few months before, Washington had
commanded an army (disorganized and unprofessional as it was) that numbered over
15,000 men, and which had forced the British out of Boston without firing a shot!
Now, in December of 1776, Washington’s army had been humiliated in several
disastrous battles and pushed out of New York. Chased across New Jersey,
Washington’s army was fading away, due to the harsh elements, inadequate supplies
(including food), desertions and expiring enlistments. The American Revolution was, for
all intents and purposes, over.
It was over, that is, except in the mind of George Washington! Where others saw
defeat, General Washington saw opportunity.
Comfortably housed in Trenton, New Jersey were the crack troops of the
dreaded and feared Hessian mercenaries that King George III had sent to America to
help crush the Continental army. Rather than fear the Hessians, however, as so many
of Washington’s solders and fellow officers did, the Commander-in-Chief saw an
opportunity. If he could surprise the Hessians and take Trenton, it would be a stunning
blow to the overconfident British.
On Christmas Night 1776, General George Washington made his move. After
crossing the partly frozen Delaware River, Washington’s army embarked on a
dangerous and audacious trek to Trenton to attack some of the best trained troops in
the world. Washington’s army attacked on the morning of December 26, and the
surprise was total and complete. The Hessians were unable to form up to effectively
repel the attack. They were cut down in the streets by Continental bayonets and
artillery. Seeing their fight was hopeless, they surrendered.
Washington followed up his victory with another at Princeton a few days later,
catching a British unit off guard and escaping the clutches of General Lord Cornwallis
(the same Lord Cornwallis he would face again a few years later at place called
Yorktown). In the course of a few days, George Washington breathed new life into the
cause of American independence. Before Trenton, the Revolutionary War was
essentially over. After Washington’s Trenton-Princeton campaign, the cause of
American independence was burning bright once again!
General Washington saved the American Revolution. How? Put simply, George
Washington refused to lose. He determined to make the best of his desperate situation.
Rather than bow to what looked like inevitable defeat, Washington chose to change the
circumstances. He decided to improve his situation – and thereby the situation of the
entire country.
By the way, do you know the secret pass phrase Washington used for the march
on Trenton? “Victory or Death”
The Choice is Yours
There’s a story of a wise Native American chief who always had something
profound to say. One day, a couple members of the tribe approached him with a trick.
They held a bird in their hands, behind their backs, so the chief couldn’t see it. And they
asked the chief if the bird was alive or dead. If the chief said the bird was alive, they
planned to quickly kill it - and then display the corpse to show the chief his error. If he
said it was dead, then they would easily produce the live bird to show the chief and all
the onlookers that the old chief had lost his touch.
The chief pondered their question, and then walked away after saying these
words: “It’s in your hands.”
Your life and your marriage are in your hands. Take ownership of them. And
decide to make them the absolute BEST you can! The choice is yours.