I'm working on changing how I interact with expression and perception in order to balance the weight of value and ability of my left-right brain hemispheres. For me, this means cultivating wholeness, creativity, and love while releasing my bond with criticism, self-victimizing behaviors, and self-pity.
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In my early romantic years, I had a very debilitating relationship with love, and for a long time I let this take over my perception of myself and the people who interacted with me. I held onto these negative experiences for years. This deeply affected me throughout my time in college. I surrendered to the idea that my heart-torn past would mark my personal relationships for the rest of my life.
While I have decided that I am long overdue to fully release these mental and physical wounds, the four years of harm with subsequent years of self induced distancing has proven hard to quit overnight.
This patterning of feeling victimized still shows up in my thought cycles and snap-reactions, but I am beginning to be able to catch this victim mentality before it enters my speech. This is one further step in the process of removing those wounds.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”
― C.G. Jung
I am recently able to more deeply comprehend my own part in these dramas. Recognizing my flaws and vulnerabilities has opened space for change and forgiveness. Those were experiences of life that has passed, a past life. I no longer need to hold these pains within me nor continue expressing the negative feedback loop of those energies.
In my own life, self-love has been a revolutionary discovery which I am still unfolding. I had strongly held onto the belief that my worth and my value was only aligned with my sensory capacities, rather than the essential love-light consciousness within. Society showed me that my value was either connected with my brain being capable of working hard, or with my multi-faceted corporal abilities.
I felt deep in my bones that my soul was not being cherished, my heart was not being loved.
Healing can be a very raw and exhausting journey in itself. Learning to release judgement of the many human expressions of our healing processes is essential to finding a sense of wholeness and balance. In my personal process, I find that I doubt myself the most when I begin to edge upon a revelation. It's as if this past egoic self is putting up one last stand, trying to gain favor again before being abandoned for good.
As I work to wring out these habits soaked in self-doubt, I hope to share the message that it is okay to be vulnerable while we heal. Vulnerability allows for deeper connection to our emotional selves, our right-brain neural pathways, and the community around us.
This act of heart-opening helps bring value to ourselves and others by recognizing our worth as impactful and magnetic souls.
When we release judgment of which path is the "right" one to unshakeable contentment, we clear the path to our own source of abundant love.
By releasing the energies that no longer serve us on our journeys, we open both our logical and intuitive selves to the present of presence.
May we all find love and support in our trying times. Connect with your intuitive roots, bring your darkness into consciousness, and do not hesitate to explore where others fear to wander.
Till next time,
be sweet, love abounds
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