First off let me start by saying: Even though I am an Agnostic-Atheist Theist (as I have recently been told) I admire someone with the Strength, Conviction and Fortitude to Have Faith and Beliefs and this is in no way directed at the Devout Steemians.
This is about my journey to Atheism and is for those who "Do not believe" but are subjected into religious servitude by Socio-Societal pressures from family, friends or their community.
Why I am an Atheist:
My journey began when I was 12 years old. For a couple years I had been living with my Grandparents. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher at a small church in Fairburn, GA. I had been forced to attend his services and had adopted the role of Preachers Son/grandson. I even took it so far as to begin preaching myself and was really good at writing sermons, researching ancient texts and so forth.
I actually dreamed of being a minister/preacher when I grew up. My grandparents, like the rest of my family, where all racist. I never could grasp the concept of racism (all though I later adopted the "I can't be racist I hate everyone!" mentality). So for months I threw scripture at my grand dad trying to get him to preach tolerance and love for everyone hoping it would change his perspective.
Finally the day came my grandfather stood at the pulpit on Sunday morning prepared to deliver my sermon. "Why we should love everyone, friend or neighbor or enemy!". Now my grandfathers church was made of of a plethora of different heritages, all though most of them were at least 3rd generation Americans. We did have a Spanish family and a Greek family in the church.
About 2 minutes into the sermon a black family (husband, wife and 2 kids) walked in the chapel and sat in the middle of the church. The second my grandfather saw them he stopped preaching and just stared at them until they got up and left. Once he resumed preaching they very quietly snuck back in and set in the empty back row. I could see it my grandfathers eyes but no one else noticed so he kept preaching.
When the sermon was over I did what I always did after service and greeted everyone and thanked them for coming. When I got to the black family, before I could even shake hands with them, my grandfather snatched me by the arm and waved me like a flag in a tornado behind him has he raced to his study. Once inside he locked the door and began cussing, screaming and beating the unholy hell out of me.
After what seemed like an hour (but probably on a couple minutes) several of the Deacons kicked the door down and stopped him from continuing. Once he calmed down they let me leave with him. That was the only time I ever saw him mad, cuss or raise a hand at anyone.....ever.....but half the congregation followed one of the deacons to a new church he started that very week.
Needless to say the experience burned me on religion and I never preached again after that day. Shortly after that I was back living with my mom (read my life story posts here on Steemit to see how that shit went) and never really saw much of my grandfather after that.
At 15 I was emancipated and legally an adult. While living on the streets I would frequently visit Churches, Mosques, Synagogues, etc. seeking help; usually after my clothes/id would get stolen. They would always always always want to either preach to me or make me sit through a service. I gladly obliged as to me it was interesting learning about different religions and beliefs. They almost never actually helped me afterwards but frequently would want me to debate with them on their message, religion or sermon.
By 18 I had sworn off all religions, but before doing so I had studied many of them and came to some astounding conclusions:
- Irregardless of whether the religions were divinely inspired, they were all written by man, rewritten by man, translated by man, re-translated by man and often blatantly manipulated to suit man's needs/desires/wants (think of the Catholic Crusades).
- Assuming the "intent" or "message" is still there, there are still too many holes/inconsistencies for my personal comfort. Perfect example: Ezekiel Chapter 1 of the King James or NIV of the Bible - Most scholars, even devout religious scholars will admit that it sounds an awful lot like Ezekiel is describing an encounter with a UFO and Aliens - one of whom claims to be God.
- Almost all Gnostic religions are based around the same original texts (the Dead Sea Scrolls) most of which reside buried beneath the Vatican in the most secure vault on Earth and have never been touched or read by humans (outside the Vatican clergy) since they were discovered. Not only that but the Gnostic religions only contain a small portion of the writings from the Dead Sea Scrolls. There are dozens (if not hundreds) of books missing from religious texts like the Bible. Why are they missing? Simple, they don't teach what the religions leaders want taught!
Now here is the tricky part of calling myself an Atheist, as I am truly a unique individual and do not conform to any definition of Atheist I have ever read. You see I abandoned all religion, but I believe in God. It isn't just that I believe in God, I have seen him, met him, shook his hand and had conversations with him. I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't on drugs and I am not psychotic (maybe a little crazy though).
From a very young age I have been able to communicate with the dearly departed. Ghosts/Spirits as they are commonly referred to. I have even encountered a few Ghouls (demons) in my days. Up until I was an adult these occurrences scared the living hell out of me so I did my damnedest to suppress the ability and not encounter anything uncomfortable.
However, as an adult having studied numerous religions and beliefs I came to realize that what I was encountering (most of the time) were friendly lost soles whom for whatever reason failed to cross-over to Heaven or Hell. With that knowledge in mind I quit actively blocking the ability and began to embrace it when it happened.
As a result of this new found enlightenment I was often greeted by lost soles who needed help delivering messages, checking on their loved ones or just figuring out why they were trapped. To be perfectly honest this lead to some amazing and some horrifying experiences. You see I have walked with lost soles to the other side on more than a few occasions. I have personally met both God and Satan more than once.
Strangely enough my first time was meeting Satan and it was really really difficult to tell I had just taken a lost soul across to Hell. Satan wasn't a horned glowing red demon looking creature as Hollywood depicts. He was more like the CEO in a Suit and Tie character from that movie a while back (can't remember the name). It took almost my entire first visit to hell to figure out I was actually in hell; at which time I got out while I could get out....unsure if I would be able to leave once Satan figured out I knew.
Then I helped someone cross into Heaven and the bright light filled tunnel appeared as so many have described it. I knew beyond any doubt at that point which was which between Heaven and Hell. I anxiously traversed the passage hoping God would be standing on the other side; sure enough he was there to greet us. With an inquisitive look he asked why I was there, an un-dead! He seemed to be genuinely surprised by my presence, or rather that I cold actually traverse between the Living and the Dead.
So, as you can see, I am not your typical person and surely am not your typical Atheist. I know beyond any doubt that Heaven/God exist and that Hell/Satan exist and yet I still will stand here, after talking to God in person at the Gates of Heaven that RELIGION IS BULLSHIT, ALL OF THEM!
I can also tell you something that no other person on Earth (most likely) has ever or will ever be able to Honestly tell you: You decide whether you go to Heaven or Hell and it doesn't really matter how you live, it is what lies in your heart at the moment you die that matters. Now that isn't me telling you to do anything you want while you are alive and decide at the last minute - far from it. The truth is that the way you live molds and shapes what is in your heart and the longer you live a certain way the less likely it becomes you can change, even when faced with certain death.
Now I hope you understand why I made the VERY LARGE opening statements above. I truly do admire people with the Strength/Conviction/Fortitude to have Faith and stick to their beliefs. Why? Well because they are making a concerted effort each and every day to live a morally strict lifestyle that virtually ensures that at their time of passing their hearts will be filled with happiness and joy; meaning they will walk through the gates of heaven into the open arms of God.
Why no one should ever feel trapped in a belief system!:
It should be blatantly obvious by now, if you are still reading, why I believe no one should ever feel trapped in a belief system. I am not telling people not to believe, nor am I trying to tell anyone what to believe.
I only want people to realize they have the power and control to decide FOR THEMSELVES what they believe or don't believe. I was lucky and I never got sucked into a cult and I was able to free myself and my mind from the Religious Servitude that was forced upon me as a child. SO CAN YOU!
Maybe you were raised Catholic and everyone you know is still Catholic but you don't agree with Catholicism....then you shouldn't follow the Catholic doctrine. Seek out your own Beliefs and follow them.
You owe it to yourself to be who you are, to believe what you want and to live in the moral manner in which fits you. Never blindly (or with open eyes) walk a path in life that isn't right for you!