Audio Reading link: https://buff.ly/2oRZV42
Syl: - We have a part of our brain that is highly suggestible. All night I had restaurant dreams after listening to yours. Lol, stuff was always not right, I was like having to keep the customers happy. But, despite that, things were OK. Managed somehow. It was very much the theme of happenings that were out of my control. :) Just has left me somewhat amused, or bemused maybe. :P
G: - You did? Oh dear lol.
Syl: - My dreams were fun. I think that's the issue for you that needs to be addressed, your automatic assumption that those kinds of dreams are a problem or stressful. Wasn't for me, it was like, so what? Yes, I tried to keep the customers happy, and kinda succeeded, but it was out of my hands. So, I did what I could, and, in the end, that's all I can do. If stuff happens that I have no control over, the one thing I DO have control over is how I react to this unavoidable eventuality. I can control whether I stress about it or not. And this is critical, because, like in the restaurant, and this I can attest to from way too much experience unfortunately, OUR reactions, moods, attitudes, and general vibe affects the customers' perceptions.
With the restaurant, during season when we were full and running lines at the door, our service was always slow. The kitchen was just too small to handle the volume. And at that time our season would run all the way from November until April-May. But, we specifically trained the staff to hold it all together, despite the slow service, with our attitude. E and I would hold them and the customers, by walking around like absolutely nothing at all was amiss, and also, lol, pushing the vibe that to even think this, would be ridiculous and was unthinkable.
Haha, I so often remember walking past a table that had been waiting a long time, and one sort-of brave soul would venture an attempt at asking where their food was. They would kinda halfway push up their hand to get my attention, but then, on seeing the full force of my vibe, they would drop that idea immediately, getting their answer just from that push of my energy.
We would specifically train the waiting staff to be prepared...
First thing we said to new hires was, exactly like this:
"Rule Number One: The customer is always WRONG!!"
They would be aghast, their mouths often dropping open, because this was communicated with great sobriety and seriousness. We obviously were NOT joking. We'd follow up with a rationale: "If they knew what was really happening, they'd be restaurateurs, and would understand. Most customers have no clue, and are therefore always wrong when it comes to what's going on."
"Rule Number Two: YOU are Always in charge!!"
"Not the customer, YOU. You are in charge. This is most important. If you are not in charge, the customer is just going to bully you, they'll try and take advantage of you, and complain for no other reason than they can. They'll try to get freebies and so on. No, YOU are in charge."
Also, we switched to a commission system fairly early on. So the waiting staff were all sales people. Lol, the good ones simply Told the customers what to eat. And of course, the customers loved it. When you get good direction from the waiter it removes all that dilly-dallying indecision that wastes everyone's time and starts off the evening in a crappy way.
When you have a firm clear waitress, then the ordering is a nothing thing, quick and simple, and the table can get on to what they came for, to enjoy themselves by interacting with each other.
That was another rule. Be professional, businesslike, polite and courteous. But don't be "friendly" like you trying to make friends with the customer, that is not your job. Your job is not to entertain them. They have to entertain themselves. This was huge. The worst waiting staff were those who tried to entertain the customers and make friends with them. Uhg!
My point in all of this, is that when it comes to dealing with the unforeseen, dealing with fck-ups, dealing with things when they don't go smoothly, it may SEEM like it is out of our hands, and much of it might be. But, the effect on us, of those untoward happenings, is perceived, reacted to, and dealt with, by the customer, or the boss, or co-workers, and this IS something we have a very large measure of control over.
Our Independence-of-Being is the Power factor here. Our internal beliefs and convictions.
I absolutely WILL NOT take Responsibility for what I have nothing to do with, or no control over. If sht like that happens, well, tough luck. And my attitude of, "So what, sht happens, it's just life, no big deal, unless you make it so, grow up and deal with it like a sensible person," is preventative. This attitude is massive to prevent childish unnecessary complaining, whining, victimness, attention-seeking, and other indulging. WE can determine this to a huge extent.
Once we realise how much we can actually affect matters and others, and control HOW things are perceived, it makes an inordinate difference.
Rule Number One: "The customer is always wrong!"
Rule Number Two: "YOU are always in charge!"
These are powerful in almost any situation. Of course both rules are sophisticated contractions in order to establish an attitude, energy, and vibe. and are of course not always literally so. Like Rule #2 when it comes to bosses. Not literal, but, in actuality it is not too hard at all to be in charge of an inappropriate incompetent boss. If you look around, you'll likely see examples of self-confident and self-contained individuals that bosses just leave alone, and who get way less "boss activity" than other employees.
The same with others always being wrong. It's about not defaulting to pre-conceived mindsets which are seldom appropriate. Avoiding that horrible trap of always behaving according to "should," is imperative. "Should" is very seldom truly sensible as it is typically shallow. If there was a mistake, like the customer receives the wrong order, then it's always, "no problem," the order is simply promptly fixed without fuss, and the entire attitude is that it was no big deal at all. Stuff happens. But when there are those profuse apologies, we cue the customer that WE think it is a big deal, and therefore so should they.
All of this is based on the sophisticated understanding that few people are capable of actual independent thought and feeling. This entire philosophy and Way-of-Being is premised on the acute understanding of Cueing, and that the majority of people RELY on cuing to know what to do, how to behave, how to think, and how to feel. Once we know this, become aware of this, and especially once we APPLY this via ourselves, once we see it work as a result of our OWN actions, it becomes a fundamentally profound change of our reality.
We have to accept the responsibilities which come with Awareness. Somebody has to set the tone, may as well be us, unless we are prepared to have crappy default attitudes prevail.
You believe that screw-ups which are out of your control will necessarily be negative for you. But this is not so. WE can determine how matters are reacted to, responded to, and perceived. This makes a massive difference to how stuff comes back on you and how stuff sticks to you. YOU cue people to think it IS your fault when you feel bad, are bothered, and or flustered, when you assume a responsibility for the screw-up that is not yours to assume. This all Cues other as to how to think and feel about the situation.
Going further. When is something REALLY and actually and truly your Fault?
Only when you were knowingly and or deliberately crappy. And for YOU, personally, in particular, how often do you indulge in doing what YOU know and feel and believe to be wrong, or not good, or not what you know you should be doing? I'll bet this is very very rare. If ever.
Just look at when T does stuff, or usually doesn't do stuff, he really knows he should do. When he's just too lazy, or too wimpy, or doesn't do because of some crappy reason. And then play that out. If sht happens because of it, what's his remedy? Either bullshit or he has to take the consequences. And now ask yourself how often you behave in the same way. Seldom yes?
My point is, if stuff goes awry, and it's say, just because you forgot, to me, in terms of attitude, that is NOT something I react towards as if it is my "Fault." Yes technically, but technically I am a human and not a computer and humans occasionally forget. No biggie at all. And my attitude is that if someone tries to make out it is a big deal, then they're being silly and a hypocrite. Also, I will push the underlying truth of things, that if someone doesn't recognise my Impeccability, Integrity, huge work-effort, and caring about and trying hard to do a good job, and how I DO actually do a good job, then they're a silly fool not worth my time.
Haha, when it comes to sht like this, when it comes to my being, I WILL be a bit of a bully. A bully not to dominate another, but a bully to push them off me, and let them know I won't be their bitch, or whipping boy, or allow them to play hierarchy games. "Fck-off with that sht. I don't play those games. But if you want to go there, it's going to backfire!" Lol, it's most effective. When you push your Integrity, people will respect that because they get ample opportunity to see it for themselves. If that is pushed also, as in. "Just actually LOOK at what I do and what I am, you don't have to believe me, just look for yourself," then this is of course a self-proving truth, because it IS true.
And again, it's ALL about the cueing, and when the cueing is backed up with real genuine value and truth, then it's unassailable. If we actually DO have Integrity, if we DO make an effort, if we DO care, and so on, then we cue a perspective of us that makes the occasional mishap unnoticeable, and so trivial and insignificant that of course it doesn't matter, and bringing it up would be utterly petty and childish and lame, and thus an impossibility for the ego mind.
"We are more in control than we realise." - TN
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