As I mentioned in my first post, I am the father of two beautiful, loving girls. What I didn’t mention is that my wife is an OB/GYN physician and that I also have a fairly demanding job that requires me to leave the house very early in the morning and come home very late. It means that we often have to sacrifice our time with the girls and leave their care with someone else. We have looked into multiple options to provide our children with educational, multi-cultural values and the au pair program, is by far, the best match for our needs. But this is not what this post is about. This post is intended for the prospective au pair candidate to consider when interviewing with parents like ourselves. We have been working with mostly Vietnamese au pair candidates, but I am sure this post can be applied to applicants of other countries as well. I hope that you can use my experience to help you reach your goal.
The profile
Your profile is the first window of how we, as parents, see you. Make sure that you take time to prepare the documents to show yourself in the best light. Talk about your personal experience. Let me know about your family and friends. The more intimate that you present yourself, the more likely that I will appreciate who you are and reach out to you for that initial interview. I understand that some particular au pair out there really wants to “start a school for disadvantaged children in the village in the highland”, it can get old when that is the same response our family hears when the question is asked, “What is your long term goal?” We have child care needs, but we really want to help you. So if you’re honest with us, we are more likely to trust our children with you. Tell us what you really want to do, whether that is starting a business, improve your English, earn some money. Whatever it may be, tell the truth. It’s a long process and the sooner you’re truthful about your goals, the faster you will realize that au pair host parents do care about your goals.
Driving
For us, the ability to drive a car is a prerequisite. We live in an area that highly car dependent. For other parents who live in urban areas or who don’t want you to drive their children, it may not be a requirement. To be safe, I suggest that you learn how to drive and obtain a driver license prior to applying to the program. You may be a great match, but if you further down the interview process, the host parents find out that you’re still waiting for your driver license or that you’re a new driver, your application may be discounted. In addition, I have heard my au pair complained that the driving agency increased the price of the driving test significantly just because you want to take it sooner or spend more time at the driving range. I am sorry, but I can’t do anything for you at that point. Therefore, I highly recommend that you learn and obtain your driver license prior. Your profile will appear much higher than other candidates who don’t have a current license.
The interview
We are based on the East Coast of the United States. What this means is that there is a 12 hours difference between the two countries, ie, when it’s 8PM locally, it’s 8AM in Vietnam. It is important for both parties to realize that when the first interview is being set. Which time zone will the discussion be in? For the most part, it’ll default to the host parents’ time zone. For some reasons, au pair interviews tend to done with skype. I prefer FaceTime if the au pair owns an Apple product.
Once the interview date and time have been established, make every effort to be on the computer at least 10 minutes before the interview time. That way if there is any technical difficulty, you can take care of it or email the host parents to reschedule the interview. First impression is everything. If we have agreed to start the interview at 8PM eastern time and I called your skype ID at 8PM only to hear that you’re still out with your friends having breakfast and want to reschedule, I will kindly tell you that is not necessary and will take you off my list immediately.
Both my wife and I have been in the USA for most of our lives. We tend to do things the “American way”. We also have Grandma living with us. She’s very traditional Vietnamese. While we don’t do it, she will always ask about your current salary and what do you do to take care of yourself. In the USA, the issue of salary is personal and often not discussed publicly. It is your choice whether you want to answer that question or not. Having interviewed many Vietnamese au pairs, I do find the answer to the question very telling. Host parents pay au pair a stipend of $195.75 per week, or approximately $800 per month. Many au pairs make significantly more than that in their primary and secondary jobs. It begs the question as to why they want to come to the USA.
During the interview, our family wants to see how you answer our questions and how you interact with us. We speak both Vietnamese and English. So it’s not an issue that you converse between English and Vietnamese. We are more interested to see that you’re honest with us. Our girls often participate in the interview as well. This is also a time to see how you can engage with them. So make every effort to make them feel part of the conversation. If you ignore them completely and concentrate only your needs, we will have a different perspective you. When communicating via emails, we do keep the conversation in English only.
After the interview, make sure to follow-up. We don’t expect it. The ones who do make a better impression on us. They tend to summarize the conversation, ask any follow-up questions and want to know what is the next step would be to move the process forward. So I would recommend that you do the same. This helps au pair hosts who may be new to the program.
After several interviews and the host family like you and vice versa, the next step is working with the au pair agency to draft an offer letter for you to present to the State Department. This may take several days to three weeks. It’s the time when the tentative work schedule is narrowed down. If you don’t understand something, make sure you ask it now.
On the host parents’ side, we would be working with the au pair company in the USA to document the offer letter and pay them their fees. It is a significant investment and sometimes I feel that they just want our credit card to charge. We often find that we are responsible for follow-ups and making changes to the application while they are only interested in pushing through the paperwork. So please be patient and just keep us informed on your side of what is going on. We have to deal with the same bureaucracy on this side of the street as well.
The Visa Interview
For Vietnamese au pairs, the visa interview at the US Consulate Office is the most daunting. I hear from the au pairs that you’re given a list of 300-400 questions to “study” by the local au pair office. I am not an expert on this area, however, I will provide my opinion. I think it is important to know what will likely be asked so you’re prepared to give strong answers. However, I think it would be a mistake to answer the question generically. This goes back to what I previously said about the question that is often asked by anyone when they want to learn more about you, “What are your future goals?” I ask this question when I am interviewing someone who will be working for me or working with me. It gives me an indication of what are your motivations and ambitions. So please don’t be generic! That is, the first time I hear someone said that they want to learn more English and come back to Vietnam to open an English school in the village deep in the highland, it sounds some inspiring. But then I interview a few more candidates and they have the answer, I will question your authenticity. So read the question and the suggested answer, but make it your own. Own it. The more personal you make it, the better the interviewing officer will remember you by.
There will be a high chance that your visa will not be approved the first time that you went for an interview. The consulate office won’t tell you why you failed to receive the visa either. All that you can do is make a best effort at the time of the interview and hope for the best. If your application is denied, try to think from the consulate office, what would be the reason/s why your visa application was denied. That may help you improve your application the next time you’re scheduled for an interview. As host parents, I can help in the process as well. I’ve written to the current Consult General Mary Tarnowka on behalf pleading my case why the au pair candidate should be granted visa. I don’t know if it helps, but I don’t think that it hurts either.
Things that I wish my au pair wouldn’t do
There are many websites that help the au pair understands the program. They’re great resources. What I dislike about them is that they often lead to teaching au pairs work toward work minimization instead work satisfaction. For example, in the US, almost every family owns a washing machine and a dryer for clothes. In your contract with the family, there is often stipulation that you would be doing the children laundry (you shouldn’t be doing the host parents’ laundry). What some au pairs have done is drag out the time of “doing laundry”. They act if they can’t multi-task. That is, putting the clothes into the washing machine, turning it on, taking out the clothes, putting them in the dryer, taking them out of the dryer, folding the clothes, and putting the clothes away take 4 hours and that the au pair can’t do anything in between like clean the children’s play area or make lunch. Realistically, putting clothes into the washing machine and turning it on take 2-3 minutes max and then you can always do something while the washing machine runs itself. The same can be said when the dryer is running. You’re not sitting in front of the machine and watching it spin so don’t tell you host family that you’ve been doing that all day and that is all that you can do.
The Internet is a great. It connects us. But I don’t want you to be on the Internet chatting away or watching YouTube videos while you’re teaching my child how to do her math homework. It’s distracting. Limit your internet time while you’re working. Otherwise, eventually the host parents will be annoyed enough and write them into the updated contract and completely remove your Internet privilege.
Au pairs are supposed to interact with the whole family. We understand that after a long day, you may want to go away from the kids. However, it should not be an excuse to lock yourself in your room all of the time. We want to see you be a part of our family. Of course, we can’t tell you what to do with your free time. I think that as humans, we want to know more about the person who’s spending time in our house for the next twelve months outside of work hours.
Here are resources about the au pair program
State Department’s J1 (Au Pair) visa
https://j1visa.state.gov/programs/au-pair
There are 17 companies in the United States that can work to get au pairs visa. I think they’re probably equally capable. I work with Go Au Pair.
http://www.goaupair.com/
Au Pair Vietnam
https://aupairvietnam.com/
I hope you find this post useful.