Usually a very joyful child, he has the emotional maturity and mental vocabulary of a 5 or 6 year old, but the speaking ability of a 2 year old. He's also a handsome boy, if I do say, with a mixture of his Daddy, Hive account@winstonwolfe, and my late older brother, whom I miss very much.

Last night, 4am, Cam awoke in a panic, and was trying desperately to tell me between sobs what was wrong in the limited number of words he can say. "Backpack!! Shoes & socks!!"

He ran to the living room, still sobbing, grabbed these items and rushed to the front window, completely confused to see that it was still dark outside, which made him sob harder.
"Baby, what happened? What's wrong?"

"School today! Backpack! Shoes & socks!" He shoved them in my hands and jumped up on the couch.
"It's not time yet." I say, trying to reach for a hug, "We have to go back to sleep and wait for..."

This is where the hitting and slapping starts. He’s so frustrated about not being able to communicate. So, I started joint compressions and massaging his arms and legs.

It takes several minutes (several minutes feel like hours at this point), but he finally calmed himself. By this time, Hive account@winstonwolfe is awake and on the couch with us, too.

In my sleepy haze, I finally realized that he must have had a dream about missing the bus. A totally normal kid thing, complicated by the autism barrier.

Now that he's a little more calm, I ask, "Did you have a bad dream? Did you dream the bus drove away without you?"

He cried out and covered his eyes with both hands.

I spent a few minutes explaining the process very simply, “The sun will come up, we'll get dressed, the bus will come and take you safely to school.”

As I repeated these steps to him a few times, he became visibly relaxed. I took the opputunity to explain that dreams aren't real, and I think he grasped that, too.

Mama put on a pot of coffee and started her workday a little earlier and a little more tired than usual.

Lately, I've been feeling the loneliness of being an autism parent. (Then feel guilty for feeling that way because I know it's so much harder for my boy.) When he was younger, his differences weren't as easy to notice to other kids and their parents. But now, all of that is changing and I feel disconnected with my friends who are parents of neurotypical kids.

In fact, as an exhausted Mama, I need it.

Who's with me??
Write a post, tell your story or just say what's on your mind, and give it the autism tag. Link it in the comments below, and I will spread it as far as I can!