What Kind Of Supporter Are You?

I would like to kick off Autism awareness month (technically tomorrow) by talking about something that makes everyone a little uncomfortable - passive support vs active support.

Why does this make us uncomfortable?

Because those of us in the special needs community have a hard time asking for active support and our loved ones sometimes don’t know where to begin giving it.

We (autism parents and other special needs parents) tend to have an abundance of passive support.

“Cheerleaders” might be a better term for these people, and we adore them.

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These people remind us that we are doing a great job when we need it, click like on our social media posts, and really lift our spirits with their compassion. They play a very important role in our emotional well being.

However, active support is much harder to come by.

Active supporters feel like your teammates. You know the phrase, “It takes a village...”? They’re your village. And it’s a tiny village.

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Parenting is exhausting - every good parent knows this.

Special needs parenting is a whole other kind of exhausting that wears down your inner strength, chews away at your emotional health, and never gives you a moment to breathe.

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Challenge yourself to go the extra mile for a special needs parent you know. Here are a few easy ways to engage in active support:

1. Offer to pick up the other kids from school or babysit while Mom is at therapy with special needs child.

2. Offer to get to know the child and their daily routine so that mom and dad have one more person to count on in an emergency. Or maybe just a night out to dinner.

3. Are you a handyperson?
Offer to help around their house with small projects or a reduced rate on large projects.

Even if you can’t offer a discount, compassion and flexibility go a long way. Large projects can be upsetting to children on the spectrum (noise, dust, smells), so be ready to talk to the parents about your process so they can adjust accordingly.

4. Send your teenager to mow their lawn for the summer.

5. Start a vegetable garden for them.

6. Offer to take the family car to the shop for maintenance, so a parent doesn’t have to sit in the waiting room. (You’d be surprised what a task this can become for us.)

7. Ask to organize a fundraiser for the family.

Therapy, summer programs, travel, and other stuff adds up fast, and trying to do it all alone can be overwhelming and humiliating.
We want to believe we can do it without asking for help. In my experience, the harder a parent is trying, the harder it is for them to give in and admit they need any help. Don’t wait for them to bring it up. The money you raise can be for anything you choose.

8. Offer lessons in your craft.

Are you a musician? An artist? A mechanic? A great cook?
Especially with Autism, certain hobbies and skill sets are therapeutic to practice. Some even end up as life skills. You could be a valuable resource to someone if you are willing to get to know them, be patient with their learning process, and understand how to reach them on their level.
You don’t have to offer lessons to ALL special needs kids. Just one to change a life.