Welcome to the September mish-mash!
…the mish-mash is a slam-jam of all the rammer-slammers I sent off into the sunset instead of the spotlight, and that’s the honest truth...although in some cases, that may not be the case 🤣
"Should Be"
In general, it could probably be said that I drive my own preference for stoicism right up to the line of being an asshole...then I kick the line in its stupid face and stomp on it and squish it (
One of the areas in which my stoic nature leads me to hurt some feelings and step on some toes, is in the realm of "should be."
Why’s that, you ask?
That’s fair. This is an open forum and you’re free to ask questions - especially when it’s actually me asking the questions for you.
What “should be” is a crock of shit. It’s a pile of lies and bullshit we feed ourselves when we need to feel special…particularly when we want to beef our ego up on being the most victimized victim in all victimhood.
Who the hell would want that?
Excellent question - keep ‘em comin’!
No one wants to be a victim per se, but the unchecked ego thrives on standing out in any way it can. So although individuals certainly don’t want to be victimized, when their ego is dragging them by the nostrils, peeps will do some Crazy McCray Cray shit, namsain?
The ego will drive a human to perceive and express sentiments of victimhood because it has no regard for whether the attention is positive or negative, as long as it's getting stroked one way or another...but this is ultimately damaging for the individual. A person operating in this mode overlooks and thus foregoes the opportunity (opportunities) to grow, learn, adapt or improve. They throw their hands up and says This sucks, it's unfair, and there's nothing I can do about it...I'm stuck. ...Meanwhile the ego rests happily, knowing that consciousness is now bound by its master, its self, to the perception of being stuck.
We are never stuck.
It's true of course, there will always be circumstances beyond our control. But by viewing these things as obstacles to be overcome, we learn resilience. Resilience cannot be gifted, inherited, or easily obtained by any other means (I even tried at one point to buy some with Hive Engine tokens, but no dice) - it turns out, resilience must be earned and honed through repeated trial by fire, over the course of a life well-lived...lived consciously, that is.
When we talk about how things should be, we are convincing ourselves that the world is wrong...when in fact it is our thinking that is wrong. If, instead of focusing on how things should be, we focus on how things actually are, then we are able to bring it all into perspective and determine the best course for navigating the obstacle(s) currently facing us.
I Live My Life According to What Should Be What Is
Truth vs. Honesty
No big deal, nothing really to see here...but I was struck today as I was in conversation (comment-sation???) with 
Anyway, the truth is what it is, regardless of opinions or personal preference or societal change...the truth will always just be the truth; it stands above the cacophony of human strife and thought; it is what it is, even when it remains yet completely undiscovered.
Honesty is something entirely different, even though it carries with it the badge of truth. Truth guides honesty, but honesty is not truth.
No need to jockey a dead horse here, I think we've either got it or we don't...I'm closing the case on this one.
Honesty ≠ Truth
Does Everyone Hate Me???
What a stupid question, right? But then...does anyone else find themselves wondering this, even if only in rare sporadic moments?
I fell behind on some meter calibrations last week. Well, technically, I'm not the one who's supposed to do them, I'm the one who delivers them for calibration and picks them up when they're done - but perhaps I could have followed up more aggressively.
Definitely.
In fact, should have, not could.
Honestly, I could be a lot -
tempted to change that to truthfully, just to be difficult...
-Truthfully, I could be a lot better at my work in general. And what's worse, I know it.
...so maybe I will. Then again, things have been decent so far, so maybe I won't. Either way, occasionally I wonder if some of my coworkers hate me.
I fall behind sometimes on responding to comments...I'm sure we all do. Sometimes when I haven't heard from someone I like for a while, I wonder if I missed something I should have caught, if I pissed off or hurt someone inadvertently. It bothers me to think I have fallen down into someone's shitlist - especially if I wasn't actively trying to...and yes, I am like a crow in that...I do take joy in purposefully jumping onto peoples' shitlists sometimes. Especially people who are easily pissed lol - here's where I'm supposed to say:
that's just who I am, I can't help it!
...but I can help it. I choose not to.
Like when my neighbors ask me to please stop attracting crows to our neighborhood and I'm all like Whatever, dude. You invite your friends over to your house, I'll invite my friends to mine - and by the way I'm having some friends over later today for snacks...so don't touch the crab meat and peanuts in my yard.
At any rate, I guess I can't always control whether or not people hate me. If I did it on purpose, I'm probably laughing at all the effort you're putting into hating me. If I did it on accident, I technically don't even know about it. Either way, I can't worry about that shit.
Catchy Tagline or Whatever
Autumn's Dawning
Do you ever notice something special about the fall? I am inexplicably crazy about it - more and more so as I age, too.
When I got out of the army, I dated a girl named Krista for a while. She was great, I really liked her. I met her while she was stripping at a club outside of Lawrence...it was a big deal to my friends and to her that I was able to woo her under those circumstances...but she had a big heart and is to this day someone I am glad I got to know. Perhaps someday we can get into the how's and why's of our separation, but for today, let's just say she was sweet and wonderful, I was in over my head, we never consummated the relationship (I wanted to wait), and the breakup was basically all my fault.
During the short months I shared with Krista, I took her and her two kids to a pumpkin patch/tractor ride and she took me to my first Rennaissance Festival. It was the first season in which I was able to really feel my new freedom from the Army. The cool breeze and neutral air inspired me. I tried switching from straight tequila to weed and red wine you know, classin' it up.
Anyway, autumn has returned once more in my area, and the fresh coolness all around has me remembering once again just how much I love this time of year. Crazy thing is, none of what I have said here is what I wanted to say...but I can't find words to articulate the way I feel about the fall season, so I suppose this is as good as it gets.
...Something in me comes alive during this season, something hopeful, renewed, reminiscent and exuberant...that feels a little closer to what I wish I could capture in words - I am grateful that some things are too big to be bound by our silly little words.
“Autumn is a second spring, when every leaf is a flower.” — Albert Camus
...that guy's name sounds awful similar to Albus Lucimus...
Keto, Denied aka Big Fat Dumb Piece of Shit 🤣#
As some may already know, I've been taking a "slow and steady" approach to getting back in shape for several months now. No drastic changes (except cutting out basically all vices), just eating healthy portions of healthy foods.
except whenever I smoke weed...
...which, lately has been a lot.
I've read many books that talk about the importance of our self-talk. What you say to yourself/about yourself goes into the subconscious. When things of this nature are repeated, they become sort of integrated into the source code...they become YOU.
For this reason, I try to keep it positive.
Hey, so you didn't do so great yesterday. Hell, you haven't done so great for a month. That's ok buddy, nothing will be more helpful than remembering your strengths and getting back up on that horse. Let's go Little Me, we can do it together.
...is what a good self-talk would look like right now.
You big fat dumbass, you did it again.
-Grabs fat tummy and jiggles it while driving to work-
You think you really needed to eat half a jar of nutella on a quesadilla last night after all those nachos you big dumbass? You think the ice cream and spicy honey follow-up was a good plan? You know, this situation isn't going to get any better if you don't start paying attention to what you're doing...
...is what I get. Sooooo, basically I'm like the proverbial nagging wife to myself...great. Now I feel shitty about myself talk that makes me feel shitty about my other failures...so pile it on, I guess. Just kidding, I don't care.
Or at least, I think I don't.
Death Entertainment by Consumption
One of my tasks at work is to act as the courier between our two buildings. I drive across the street, and then I drive back. Fringe benefit: I can stop at the gas station without interrupting the work flow too much.
So today I ran some circuit boards across to our board assembly team and, realizing I was low on gas, I decided I should stop and fuel up.
I could grab some energy drinks while I'm there, and roll them in with the gas expense for lower exposure!
I realized I really didn't need an energy drink and thought
you're just entertaining yourself by consumption...
That led me to thinking about a term I'd heard but wasn't quite sure of, which is "Death by Consumption".
What does that mean? I wondered...
I pictured Cronus (or Saturn...at least, when in Rome...).
I pondered the irony...Cronus' children actually didn't die from consumption. They didn't even die from being consumed. Yeah I'm pretty sure they just lived in their dad's tummy for a while. I guess either I'm wrong about that, or no one told Francisco Goya...probably didn't have the heart to break it to him after he spent all that time painting the gory scene.
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Anyway, then I thought about how my dad always says
chewing is the first part of the digestive process! - and - you should chew each bite 100 times before you swallow it!
So I guess the Gods were too good for chewing. That means I am too. From now on, no more sissy-ass chewing, I swallow my foods whole.
Sorry dad, your sound advice has landed on deaf ears, fallen flat, gone the way of the buffalo.
...That makes me think of Whole Foods, the store. I've never been there, but now they'll always be tied in my mind to Cronus (or Saturn, if your wanna be a dick about it) eating his kids.
In case you were wondering, it turns out death by consumption is just another term for tuberculosis.
LAAAAAAME!!! 🤡
Anyhoo, I got my drinks, I'm back at work, and now they will die by consumption...
...or at least, by being consumed.
Send It???
Originally, I had envisioned this mish-mash concept as being a strictly monthly thing, but the problem is right now I think I'm just so excited to be finding my own voice in written words? I don't know.. for whatever reason, I'm writing a lot.
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I guess almost certainly there will be times when I am less interested in taking the extra time to document my scatterbrain, so for now I'll just enjoy the process and call it what it is.
...I have no idea what it is.
But what it is not, is a monthly thing. At least not today. As I am writing this final segment, it is September 4th (2024). So, the ~2k words of directly mind-pumped madness you see before you was accumulated over the course of four days - and I deleted 3 shorts from this post already. I don't think any of us want to see what it would look like if I built this up over a full month.
...So I'm just gonna...
SEND IT!!!
Thanks for checking out some more of my work! As always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing as much as I enjoyed creating!
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