So I decided to start this blog to tell my story about being manipulated into fatherhood and my experiences as being a new dad in this less than ideal situation.
Long story short, I had planned on getting married and having kids when I was finished with graduate school, but the women I was seeing had other ideas. She was jealous of friends of hers who were pregnant and even though she promised me dozens of times that we would not have kids until I was ready she saw an opportunity when we suffered a contraceptive failure. She lied about taking a morning after pill and then waited to tell me she was pregnant so that abortion would not be an option. So now I have a newborn baby daughter.
The mother gave me the option to walk away from the baby (because she was concerned that if I claimed the child I could prevent her from leaving the country). I suffered a mental breakdown and now I have to go to therapy because of this situation, but I have chosen to try to be in my child's life as much as possible. I dont think I could live with myself knowing I had a baby out there that doesnt know me.
SInce becoming a dad earlier this month I have seen the baby once a week for a few hours each. I try to bring her things every time I come by and give as much money as I can. My heart does melt when I see my baby girl, but I am still full of hate for her mother for breaking her promise and manipulating me into fatherhood as if having a kid is something to be used as a trap. I try to keep things civil with my baby momma because its not good to have a baby around negative energy. I know she wants me back and wants us to be a family BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN NOW THAT SHE HAS PROVEN HERSELF TO BE A BACKSTABBER.
I cry at night for my daughter sometimes. It is because I wanted to have more to offer her as a man and as a father. Also because I never wanted my first born to live in a pre-broken home. The worst part of all of this is how people treat ME like I am the asshole every time I try to see my daughter. Its like "I NEVER WANTED THIS SITUATION LIKE THIS, I WAS SET UP! WHY AM I THE ONE AT FAULT.... WHEN I COULD EASILY HAVE DISAPPEARED!" But it is what it is, I have to be punished for trying to do the right thing I guess.
At any rate, I hope my daughter can understand all of this when she gets older and it doesnt effect her.
