Based on Maslow's hierarchy of Needs we all have inherently the same needs. I believe all of us have the need to be successful, loved, wanted, praised and accepted. We want to be proud of ourselves and show that to the world.
Added to this, our parents, close family and friends play the following roles in our lives (especially up to the age of, I'd say 16):
Parents:
Shape our behaviour by:
- Telling us what is right and wrong
- Setting the example (many times the wrong example)
- Instruct and advise us
- Establish perceptions about all aspects and areas of life
Close family and friends
Use relationship status to:
- Demonstrate their ideas and choices in everyday life
- Influence us by promoting what is good and bad
By age around 16, typical "rebel" behavior is likely to form. This comes in many forms based on our personalities. As an intelligent, unique human being one begins to make decisions about what you believe, want and accept. Many times we display behaviour and/or make decisions and choices that does not reflect what we have been taught. We make good and bad choices.
Part of what we learn since we are born is known as social norms and standards - rules to live by. Most people judge us if we do the wrong things and/or make bad choices.
The reasons why we do not tell people the intricate details of our bad choices is:
- We are embarrassed to tell someone that we made such a bad choice - even more embarrassed to share the details
- The lack of true trust in that relationship
- We do not want people to think negative of us, push us out of the circle or gossip about us and our bad choices
- Pride prevents us to admit that we made a bad choice/decision
- We do not want to give people information that they can possibly us against us in future
- We desire that people think the best of us
It is part of life that we sometimes make (bad) choices that is outside of our character. I believe it is okay - clearly I have made bad choices in my life and is not proud of it. Surely we do not consciously decide to make bad choices?. As long as we learn and grow from it. Fact is, we are only human.
So many times you decide to trust someone and share your bad choices, only to learn that the person you trusted betrayed you by sharing the details with others. This will probably embarrass you even more. It is as if people cannot live without talking about other people - especially so-called friends and family.
Catharsis is important, but how do we do that if we cannot trust anyone? (except maybe pschologists?). One solution is to use technology where you do not have a face or name to "talk" with others and tell them about your bad choices, or maybe you have the need to confess something you did wrong - without ill intent. However, talking to a computer is not the same as experiencing the warmth of a hug and encouragement from a true friend.
Next up: How does it happen that we make bad choices?
From my heart to yours - HeartsOnSleeves 💙💛💙