I love spending my evenings with my family and I'm scheduled to make frappuccino and latte dreams tonight, so maybe I should kick my own ass before work tonight.
I won't kick my ass too hard, but enough that I can call in to work and sound legitimate. I'm a terrible liar, so if I'm able to work, I will.
Maybe a few hard punches to the nuts and maybe a slam or two onto a concrete curb will be sufficient. Thinking about one good faceslam against a doorknob, to get the face nice and bruised. To sound torn up, thinking about eating a couple really hot peppers right before I make the call, will seal the deal.
I'm 