I discovered something yesterday. Well, really I rediscovered it.
Our members give fantastic marriage advice!
Yesterday, in our Facebook community , I posed two simple questions:
Have you been married more than 10 years? If so, will you share
something here to encourage those newer to marriage?
Within hours, more than 600 people responded . Women seasoned in
marriage shared their perspectives, tips, advice and encouraged those
in their first 10 years of marriage.
Those in the early years of their union reciprocated overwhelmingly
with gratitude to the women who had just fanned their flames of
hope.
It was a beautiful exchange to be sure.
While reading through them, I found myself pumping my fist in the
air like I was at a ball game yelling, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
I knew almost immediately, those encouragements needed to also be
shared here, with you.
And although the below advice isn’t any better than the hundreds
of others on our community page (I certainly wouldn’t attempt to
rank them), I could only post a few here so I hope you’ll click the
link at the bottom to see the rest.
Without further ado, here are 50 proven tips for making your
marriage last :
- Celebrated 26 years this past May. Married my high school
sweetheart. The lessons are in the journey. Grace, forgiveness,
tenacity, love, faith, honesty, compassion and the flat refusal
to ever give up on each other or your marriage. My husband
brings me a bouquet of flowers on the first of each month, to
start our month right (his words). It is a simple gesture that I
look forward to as do our daughters. Love is in the simple,
small gestures each day. Grateful to be here in this part of our
trek, as it gets better with the passing of the years; if you
have cultivated and communicated….it grows to be stronger than
steel and your respite from all else. -Julie Hernandez - I have been married 36 years, got married real young and still
happy and in love. My advice is DON’T give up , work on your
problems and talk to each other. -Sandra Baillargeon-Sheridan - Married 44 years. We married when we were 18 years old as my
husband returned as a soldier from a tour of duty in the Vietnam
war. The best way to have a good marriage is to Learn how to
“JUST BE” together without the “expectation” that your
partner is to entertain you when you are bored. Spouses who have
a good sense of themselves and know how to be content by
themselves and keep themselves busy are the happiest. They have
the healthiest marriages BECAUSE they are not clingy, needy, so
high maintenance..that they expect their partners to “MAKE” them
happy..ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! -Judith Redman Kirk - I’ve been married for 25 years… I’ve learned to pick my battles
and never go to bed angry, stay up till 4am if necessary talking
things through….. Or just forgive and forget! Marriage is a
commitment to that person that has been and will be the
witness of your life! Cherish it because you never know how
long you’ll have each other!! -LD Rocio Wagner - Married 21 years! My motto for our marriage is we are not perfect
just perfect for each other. Be best friends. Never say the word
divorce. Wake up everyday looking for something to thank him
for. Tell him every chance you get how sexy you think he is.
Never leave each other without saying I love you. Talk to each
other don’t yell. Remember when the world is against you, he
is for you. And enjoy the ride! -Michelle Hicks Kerwood - I got married at 18. They all said it wouldn’t last. In October, it
will be 36 years!! My advice: Always go the extra mile, give
more than you receive . -Susie Ruhl - We’ve been married 35 yrs. Always let each other know how
important you are to each other. We never part without a kiss
and we value all of our time together . Let him know that he is
your best friend and talk, talk and talk….men are not psychic.
Is it easy? Not always. Is it worth it? You betcha! -Dovie Punneo - Don’t give up when you hit a bump. Work it through. Too many
people throw away a perfectly good relationship because, in a
moment of anger or even boredom, they think they don’t love
each other any more. It’s seldom that bad! Keep going. (21 years
and just getting started) -Jacquie Bate - Any marriage is one toxic friendship away from falling apart.
Closely guard who you allow into your lives. -Anna Smith
Bankston - My husband and I have been married 37 years, He is my best
friend. We have one thing in common “divorce is not an option .”
Life is what you make it. -Debra Finlay Smith - Embrace the downs . That sounds negative but it isn’t. Although
there will be plenty of ups there will be plenty of downs.
Hold hands and be determined to walk through them together,
never losing sight that you are each other’s. It’s easier to stand
the buffeting winds with each other. The other side of the down
times are much sweeter because of that. I’m saying that just shy
of 27 years. -La Turgeon - Married 26 years… never be too proud to admit when you’re
wrong! We NEVER go to bed angry. -Shelly Golden - Twenty-one happy years of marriage has taught me that you
should never sweat the little stuff . Let it go. Pick your battles
so carefully that you almost never fight. Be happy every single
day…you have found the love of your life! -Cheryl Hurley Kizner - Never try to change each other . Been married 23 years after a 3
month whirlwind courtship. He was 18 and I was 24. If you think
you stay the same, think again. Accept each other and embrace
the differences. Realize you will have problems but don’t be a
part of this throwaway society. And yes, the honeymoon phase
does end but the love changes into something more intense. Love
is grand. -Melissa Adele Haggai - Hubs and I have been together for nearly 21 years and married for
15 of them. First secret is to think carefully about your value
to your spouse; always assume that his intention is for
whatever is in your best interest even if the intent somehow
gets lost in the translation of his actions. 9 times out of 10,
there is a misunderstanding that needs to be clarified rather than
to assume that he’s too lazy, attempting to manipulate you,
etc. Try first to understand his logic behind the choices he
makes before going on the defensive. -Mindy Chemacki - Married 42 years today for us. One thing I finally learned and
still working on is that I can’t change my hubby to my way of
thinking. Nor should I expect him to think like me . I married him
because he was totally opposite. Pray for your hubby and God
will do what needs to be one either in him or you. Still the
love of my life after all these years! -Linda Orosco - Married 16 years. Together almost 28 years. Remind yourself
when you’re angry with your spouse, “My life will always be
better with you than without you.” -Aimee Foster - I have been married 32 years. My advice is to always respect each
other, even when you don’t agree -and believe me there will be
plenty of times when you don’t!- accept each others
differences, your strengths and weaknesses . Be supportive,
Never Tear Each Other Down! The biggest thing is DON”T give up.
There can be weeks, months and sometimes even years that aren’t
the way you thought they would be. In the end, its about
creating a place where each of you can be yourself, have the
freedom to explore new things, and know that you are always
safe and loved. Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the
world, the greatest relationship anyone can ever hope to be
blessed with! -Brenda Stantz - Was married 36 1/2 years…Make life about your mate..Laugh at
your own mistakes…ask for forgiveness when need..never scream at
each other..pray together daily an enjoy time with out being in
each others pockets.. No name calling other than complimented
on beauty ..always always give thanks for even the smallest
they do for you..Saying I love you when you think it ….Life can
snatch your love one away….but hold what you had in speaking
your memories. -Shelly Homan Billington - I have been married for 23 years met my husband when I was 15.
We’ve been together for 26 years. Best advice I can give anyone
is pick your battles. Some fights aren’t even worth the
discussion. P.S. And we never let anything get in our way..
(Money, family) we plan together.. And dream together! -Cara
Williams Garcia - Marriage is not a 50%-50% give and take. It is 100%-100% …
there are always days and times that each have nothing to
give..the other one must then give 100% to make up the
difference. Married 42 years and still in love. -Kathleen Somers - Married for 21 years been together for 27 years.. 6 great kids! I
think what makes our marriage successful is that we are
absolutely the best of friends.. We want to be around each other
all the time.. We want to tell each other everything! We laugh
together and hold each other up during the not so nice times.
We respect each other and have understanding for each other. We
hardly fight and when we do we are not afraid to say sorry . We
try and do little things to show we still love each other. -
Catharine Schneider-Parsons - On September 9th, we will celebrate 41 wonderful years. My
advice, laugh together, play together and always, always talk
things out! -Nikki Ada Slodysko - Married 36 years. We got married when I was 16 and he was 18. We
have had great times, good times and bad times. Through it all,
we have been there for each other. Tell each other daily that
you love each other. Hold hands, listen to the other
person….pray for your spouse daily. And most of all do date
night each week. Doing things together when life is so busy
help build a strong bond. Lastly, remember in sickness and
health, let your love for each other shine through. God has
blessed this union he will keep it strong. -Myrna Hernandez - A wife who sees her husband as one of the children has lost her
perspective. Always try to see the man in your man if you
want him to be your man . -Vickie Anders - Rolling down on 20 years. Accept that each of you are not
perfect. Have an “our” thing…ours is going for long drives with
no destination. -Denise Cox Lehosky - Married 17 years as of 8/24/2013. The most important thing is
communication. We talk to each other about everything good or
bad there are no secrets between us . If you can talk to each
other about everything, then loving, respecting and caring for
each other comes real easy. -Norma Proctor - Married 44 years last August 9th. Understand that there will be
times when you may not like your husband but love him
always. -Margarita Cordero - Been married 41 years. Still my best friend and soul mate. Never
go to bed angry. Always treat your spouse as you want to be
treated. Remember the grass is rarely greener on the other side
of the fence. It it always easier to give up and leave. NOT!!! -
Debi Newby - It’s 20 years for us! Don’t walk away, don’t give up, keep going,
walking away isn’t an option! Don’t hold grudges, don’t be
bitter. Talk things through, be open to change, be best friends,
support each other, work together. Make time as a couple, date
nights, weekend getaways…time alone is crucial. -Melody Malone
James - Married 29 years and the answer for us is God, good
communication (we talk about everything), and taking the word
divorce completely off the table. Don’t give up when it gets
tough, give grace and be quick to forgive . Always make the
other a priority, don’t become complacent and take the other for
granted. Keep the romance alive! -Cynthia Henderson - Been married for 22 years. No matter how angry you are don’t
call your spouse bad names. They can break the good
relationship you have. -Ruth Kinyanjui - Married 22 years…. Always ask yourself how any action you take
will affect your spouse ….making sure that your spouse has
committed to doing the same. Never assume that you know why
the other just said something that hurt or angered you….make
sure you ask directly what they meant by the words before you
respond in anger or tears. You have to set your standards just
as the spouse does on how you ARE to be treated…the rest is
compromise and cuddling. -Rhonda Marshall Hudson - As a wife of nearly 23 years, I can honestly say that our
marriage grows stronger, richer, and more satisfying each year
because we constantly continue to work on it. We take time each
day to talk. We date and romance one another. We are each
other’s best friend. We keep God at the center of our marriage.
We treat each other with kindness and respect. Happily Ever
After does exist , you just have to work alongside your Prince
Charming to make it happen. Good luck. It is well worth the
effort-always. One last thing-love is an action, not just a
feeling. Continue to love, even if you don’t feel “in love”. Those
feelings will return if you just keep loving anyway! -Stephanie
Scevers - Be Best Friends. Have mutual respect and any Good Marriage
takes two good Forgivers. Married 21 years and I Love Him more
every day. -Mona Whorton - I have been married for nearly 40 years. We will renew our
wedding vows next March which I can’t wait for. We have been
together for 45 years; dating for 5 years before we got married.
Our marriage vows are sacred to us only death will part us! -
Bonnie Elske - I’ve been married 23 years and feel it’s important to keep
falling in love with your spouse. Don’t let the romance die. -
Wendy Neff Tonga - Been married 24 years and happier than ever! Remember that God
made men and women different for different purposes. He
doesn’t think l like you do, and you don’t think like he does.
Understand that concept and be patient during your differences.
And always be ready to forgive as you would want to be
forgiven. -Gayle Dodic Bogs - Married almost 27 years. The best advice comes from my father
and this is to never stop dating. As usual, father knows best!
-Karen Zappavigna Hoogland - 33 years married. Live, laugh and love. My husband is my best
friend. We enjoy each other’s company so much and never forget
to go out on dates. We give compliments to one another and
never go to sleep angry. Marriage is a long journey so we ride
on it happily and relaxed. I’m praying that we will grow old
together…I love my man. -Susan Barrientos- Baldoz - It’s a full time job and it was worth it for me…I am married 25
years today. Three words to remember: Respect,
Communication, Fidelity…it all starts there. -Linda Valerio Hayes - Been married 30 years: Treat each other the way you want to be
treated. -Deanna Johnson - I’ve been married 38 years. We also run a family business
together. My advice is: Learn to “let it go.” It’s going to be
okay…even if you don’t get your way. Put it in perspective and
realize there are others in the world that would love to trade
for what you don’t even want. -Julie Golden Gross - I have been married 40 years this weekend. My advice is to be
best friends, talk things over and don’t walk away at the first
sign of trouble . Marriage should be for life. -Gillian Woolston - Talk to each other often. Spend time together & apart. Be
truthful to each other. Keep the faith! Married 27 years! We just
spent 26 days in an RV just us & we loved it! -Catherine Murry
Matteucci - I am married 33 years and love my husband more with each
passing day. The key is communication! He is my best friend. We
are happiest when we are together. My happy place is with my
husband. Best wishes to everyone. I also married when I was young
and my husband is 10 years older than me. I can honestly say
that I would marry the same man at the same age. I would
change nothing! Oh I would also say, never take each other for
granted. Always say thanks for the small things. Work on your
marriage every day and again I say communicate! -Katie White - Almost 21 years for us. Commit to the statement: if its broken;
fix it…don’t throw it away!! -Marcia Heflin Fleming - Married 27 years; together 32. You must be partners. Marriage is
two contributions; never one taking. Always kiss goodnight and
never argue over anything; it’s a waste of precious time.
Compromise and understand you are different, that’s why you
compliment one another. Laugh often. Share everything, even if
you think the other won’t understand or it will hurt. Love is
strength. -Sherry Beckwith - Been married almost 23 yrs (2 more weeks to our anniversary!). I
think the best advice I have is “attitude.” Go into the marriage
with the attitude that you WILL be together forever. WORK
THINGS OUT with that goal in mind. If you keep the idea that
“well, if this doesn’t work, I can just move on” then you don’t
have the motivation to make things work. -Theresa McClure - It will be 21 yrs in January! Stick through the bad times. Be
open and honest. Always try to make them feel special and
tell them you love them all of the time. Have fun together!
Encourage when they are down and rejoice in their happiness!
Unconditional love! -Stacey Brown Treadwell
