Well, I am here to tell you all just that. . .
Firstly, I will give you a bit of background of my journey in the pageant industry. I first began competing in pageants around four years ago now, so typically, not actually that long in comparison to other dedicated, hardcore beauty queens. I have competed in a variety of pageants, from national level to small charity ones, and have always walked away with something even if it's just a small, what they like to call, "compensation awards".
I have held numerous titles, and have represented my home town, region and county. What is different about me, is I am also a mother to two boys which is something you don't often see as a title holder. I have been criticized for this heavily in the past, been called a "bad mum" because I have simply taken part in a hobby and have been looked down on by judges when competing. Being a title holder (and a mother) is actually very difficult. What people don't understand when they are dedicating themselves to a title, is the responsibility that comes with it. You have to be a responsible "role model" to the community and society, dedicate your time to make appearances at local events, judge other pageants, continue to raise money for charity, be involved with the media by participating in radio interviews and being involved in newspaper interviews etc. You also have a "duty" almost to always look your best. Often, you see girls win titles, promote themselves well and the system that they are involved in, to then get bored and kind of fade away back into the dark and not do anything further, affecting their chances of winning a title again in the future.
As a mum and a past title holder, I can tell you now participating in pageants is more difficult for us. We have to prove ourselves just that little bit more than other girls because for some reason it is presumed that because we are mums we are incapable of doing anything else but just being a mum. We don't have £4,000 to spend on a designer gown. Instead, we often have to look on the second hand pages on Facebook to try to grab a bargain, or just settle for a "cheap" gown which yes, does get marked down on stage because often they aren't fit to measure and they can often look tacky. We also have to put on more makeup to hide those bags under our eyes due to us having to live off 3 hours sleep because our teething babies kept us awake all night or simply because we went to be ridiculously late just so we could have some "me" time. We often find it difficult to make a lot of appearances and raise money for charity beforehand because we simply just do not have the time. We are often looked down on if we are deemed to be a "young mum" because judges presume we were irresponsible, unrealistic and just plain damn stupid. We are often asked the question in interview "how would you cope being a title holder AND a mum" well let me give you the answer, we AS mum's know pretty darn well how to multi-task so I am pretty sure we will manage.
For some mums, they find it really difficult to reveal their post-natal bodies. Often feeling ashamed of their stretch marks, scars, lumps and bumps. Also, we may have gone up a dress size or two and this can be damaging to our self-esteem. So when its the "swimwear" round, we often find we have to cover up ourselves with an all-in-one bathing suit or a sarong because we are ashamed. Let me tell you this now, judges prefer block colored bikinis, no matter what they say to you. They prefer slim, size 8 bodies with pristine, flawless and tanned skin tones. This is a disadvantage to us, because often, we do have stretch marks, scars, lumps and bumps. I remember once having air brushed makeup on my belly and the top of my thighs to try and "brush" away the marks my gorgeous eldest son left me. But we shouldn't have to do this, we shouldn't have to be made to feel as though we need to cover up our bodies because of what are beautiful pregnancies left us.
At the finals, we often have our children attending too. This is another opportunity to be looked down upon by other contestants, especially if we haven't revealed during rehearsals that we are in fact a "mum". Our kids run up to us and say "mummy you look beautiful" whilst we feel the awkward atmosphere behind us of other girls slagging us off, looking us up and down and whispering "I can't believe she's even here if she's a mum".
As I said previously, I've also been branded a "bad mum" for even being involved in the pageant industry. I have been accused of spending all of my money on myself, not spending enough time with my children and being "vain" because I have been confident enough to actually get up on stage and show myself off. What they fail to realize is that actually, I am wearing super drug makeup products and don't have a personal MUA, I am wearing cheap hair extensions and haven't brought along with me a personal hairdresser, I am wearing the same heels as I have wore for the past 10 pageants (possibly even the same gowns), all of my outfits are second hand, my swimwear is from Ebay and my nails are stick on ones from Boots and my tan however, well I have done it myself because I haven't had 5 minutes to go and have a shit in peace never mind book myself in for a spray tan.
I have been a title holder, had to commit to the roles and responsibilities of a beauty queen, deal with heavy criticism, tried to be swayed aside by haters, felt guilty for even being involved in them in the first place and just about every other negative feeling you do feel when you do something you enjoy when your a mum. When I have won titles, people have been shocked. I once even turned up to judge a pageant with a bump because I was pregnant!
Truth is, to be involved in the industry you have to be hard and have thick skin. You will receive hate but you have to learn to turn the negatives into positives. People will get jealous and say nasty things about you and some people may even pretend to be your friend and then talk about you behind your back but just remember this, they are behind you for a reason.
If you want to be involved in pageants and are a mum, don't let this put you off. Let it motivate you to prove people wrong. I have done it and so can you.