"I'm not gonna die today, I'm not gonna die today..."
I kept repeating this mantra over and over again while laying hammered on my bed last night. Trying not to puke, because that means walking. And being hammered to the point of vomiting is not a situation to shock your body with sudden movements. Not just because it triggers your puking mechanism, it's just that I don't want to move. Having a ringing headache and a loud music above your head doesn't help. So I lay there thinking of my past mistakes, past enemies, past friends, and past experience. Just before ingesting a bottle of wine I was so ready to die. You know you are when you want to get lost somewhere and you think nobody cares anymore so you believe you can now pull the trigger. To your head. You feel it's like it's the end. The resolve. I remember John Bonham (Former Led Zeppelin Drummer) who died of too much alcohol. I might die like him I thought. But this time, no matter how ridiculous and exaggerated of a situation it is for the sober mind, in my alcohol induced enlightenment, I felt my struggle with life. It's like a wake-up call. That's like the universe telling me to get my shit together, it's not the end of the world.
It is not of course.
The moment I wake up, I felt a rush of newfound positive energy. I woke up to a GREAT SEMINAR by Sasha Daygame, who is an absolute killer in life! Talking about living the life you want and overcoming mental bullshit that keeps you away from those things. Pumping me up even more!
Water and food never tasted as satisfying. Water tasted like hope. I felt every particle, every gush inside my mouth as it quenched my thirst. I feel loved and accepted. And most of all, I felt peace. I'm neither panicking, nor troubled, nor sad anymore. I hear Bruno Mars' Lighter song playing inside my head. Maybe life isn't so bad after all. Maybe I shouldn't take it so bad. I'm doing pretty good!
My brother found me a job. I guess I'll just take it and work my ass off while also working to get good at poker and women. I shouldn't let my limiting beliefs stop me from getting the life I want. Fuck those guys who told me I'm not gonna be good. Fuck those people who stab my back, those people who tried to bring me down and destroy my goals. And most of all, a big FUCK YOU to the world. I'm gonna crush it. I'm gonna grind day and night. One day you'll see me one way or another. And you'll know it's me. I guarantee it. The guy who crushed life to bits and pieces and die a legend!
*Note: I still actually puked, but I found a waste basket in my room. Still stunk like shit, but at least I felt better now.
Exploding with energy,
Darwin