you're doing it all wrong, that's why. This is how you do it >

Buy a cryptocurrency because you like the name of it.
Watch it drop in value until your investment is now 90% less than what you started with. And do nothing.
Then, write a load of circle jerking posts about how awesome it is and how it's about to take off to the moon, in the hope that someone agrees with you.
When everyone agrees with you, pat yourself on the back and delude yourself that you made a good investment after all.

That's it ! You don't actually have to make any money, just get people to stroke your ego and tell you how awesome you are. It seems to be working for most people. lol.