You do need to look at the code because it will tell you how KYC info is being passed. LN is online now and transaction fees are now almost zero, not the $20 that you suggest.

The exchanges are of course centralized but you don't have to use exchanges at all. You can just use a hardware wallet and accept payment for services. You can also run your own lightning node now and be one of the pioneers in decentralized trading. Coinbase and others like it have always been banks and Andreas Antonopoulos explains you should steer clear of holding coins on an exchange.

If you have your own hardware wallet, you've become your own bank.