I just finished college a week ago and still haven't figured out what the next phase of my life will be. I'm only 20 years would have finished at 19 but due to COVID, I had to wait for almost a year. The fact that I got into college at 15 when most of my mates were still in high school and playing video games, I feel like for the past 5 years I haven't lived and appreciated this transitioning phase of my life but. I haven't given myself the time to process and appreciate my teenage years as they went by. From the age of 16, I have always lived with the pressure of graduating college at 19 and "making it" at a young age. I would say that has been the grand plan of my dad. This pressure left me depressed for most of my years in college. I was always thinking of how not to fuck the "grand plan" up which constantly made me afraid of failing thereby leading me to fail more sadly. And I would say this pressure was mostly self-applied. With me being the first son in my family I've always felt like I had to do more for myself, my siblings, and my parents. This self-applied pressure has stopped me from getting into any relationship as I only see it as some sort of distraction even though it's not. I am a very closed-up person who spends most of his time overthinking shit, this fucked up attribute of mine led my dad into advising me to get a girl so I can have someone to tell whatever I'm going through since I won't tell him. And with me just graduating and having a year of national service and then going for my postgraduate studies, I have been thinking if I've been living too fast knowing pretty well that I might not have a break to myself or maybe be in a committed relationship until am about 28 or so. I don't want my life to be like some 15-year-old kid who got on a treadmill and didn't get off it until he was 28 just to take a break for 6 months and getting back on that fucking treadmill. So, am I really living too fast?
