Its been just over a week and I have been sleeping in a van near Boulder, CO...actually, let me start with last week. Last week I was trying to do all the right things, I went to work, and gave what I thought was 100 percent. What I came to realize was that for how much I was working, I was worried about a whole lot of other things too. What was I gonna eat today, how do I pay the bills? So many things that I stressed out about and I couldn't take a breath and unwind and enjoy my life.
Since I was young my mind was constantly geared up, I am not really sure for what. Remembering back to my first summer, you know the one after kindergarten? I couldn't wait for the new school year to start. I would ask my mom every day when school would start again, I still hadn't caught the concept of time and I'm sure she got annoyed with the constant badgering. I just wanted to learn and explore, this was my first memory of anxiety. We lived in Los Angeles California at the time, going outside and playing wasn't always an option. So I stayed in and read books to make the most of it.
I recall this now since it was a very important part of my development, I guess. I now know that keeping myself busy is a great way to fight and anxiety that very easily couples with my depression. It's a never-ending loop of feeling anxious and wiggly (as I like to call it), followed by guilt for not getting as much accomplished as I would like. It took me to my early twenties before I was diagnosed with any type of mental disorder and though I do agree with some of the diagnosis, having the label put on me made things even more difficult for me.
By this time I had gained a bunch of weight, been married and figured out that I knew absolutely nothing about what I was going to do with myself. Why was I here, what is my purpose, where is my place in the world? Admittedly, I decided to run away from the life I had as a very religious person and decided to take my own approach to living my life. I was always a fan of music and art but never realized to what extent this could play a role in my future. After spending a week being voluntarily hospitalized for my mental health where suicide was potentially imminent, I begged to be released in time for my best friends wedding...I was the DJ.
I officially started my music collection when I bought my first album, Good Charlotte's second studio album "The Young and the Hopeless." I listened to that album on repeat for at least three months and knew every word. This was a change from my normal tastes, I grew up in the city, I loved Hip-Hop and R&B. The man who raised me (my step-dad) was a west coaster, my very first memory of a song is actually two songs...you'll understand. The song? Fantastic Voyage, by Coolio. This hit song heavily samples a 1980 Funk song by a band called Lakeside, I fell in love with two genres of music at once.
After doing some research, I found that the song was really about getting out of the hood. The neighborhoods that our family lived in, I was about 5 when that song came out and way too young to understand. For some reason, the song resonated and sticks in my mind today as an influence to why I have chosen the profession I have. I love the fact that this song brings a little of the old and mixes it with a little new. I am sure the same can be said about the fabulous people who were in Lakeside, remixing on past musical experience and knowledge to create something brand new and meaningful to the world.
The world is always changing! The world is ALWAYS changing! ALWAYS!!! If you are reading this within 7 days of me posting this, you may understand what I mean(Hello Steem and Blockchain Technology!!!). Remixing the old to create something new, we do it with music, art, movies, our whole culture and making babies. We are always improving as the human race and there are very few things that we can't build to be better. The fact of the matter is that in order to build new...you gotta destroy the old sometimes, they cannot coexist forever. This is the realization I needed to make to change my life, a change for the positive.
I have decided for myself that, nothing can stop me from growing, nothing can stop me from creating the new. Recognizing the beauty in the past also came with its struggles, for every wonderful thing that exists in the world, pain heartache and destruction plays an integral part. Its all part of the process, so rather than worshiping the past as the golden age, my vow is to view it with context. The past is the past... and that's where it belongs, though it is nice to go back and reminisce about the old. Being an active part of the now to build for the future, is a much better use of my time than being anxious and worrying about what is to come. The future has its time too, don't rush it.
I currently live in a broken down van in Boulder, Colorado and even though these aren't my ideal circumstances, it is not keeping me from remembering what I need to do RIGHT NOW. Just live. Right now I can build, create, make connections, learn and fall in love with all of these processes. When the future does get here...I'll be exactly where I should be...living in the present and doing all I can to help remix the past and create the future for the next generations. I am not scared, I am not depressed, I am not anxious...I am just glad to still be a part of it. Because one day, it'll be my turn to go away and be a part of the past. I am peaceful, I am strong and I am ready to give 100% to right now because that's all I got.
Thanks so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought, send support and love. If you are in Denver, Colorado or surrounding area, come out and say hi at one of my shows, you can find more info my events on Instagram @DJArchieJenks.