This is a series of blogposts in which I will interview people battling depression

You can find the first post in the series here: Getting up 1: An introduction

And part 3:  Glenn (22): "it felt like a defeat to admit I wasn't doing well"

Please note that these interviews are translated and english is not my first language. I apologize if anything gets lost in translation.

Cara (19): "It's just a defect in my brains"

Many young people find it difficult to talk about their depression. Cara has less difficulty. On social media, she has always been very open about her depression and her image. I spoke to her this weekend about everything she's been through. She now serves as first interviewee in this series, Getting up.

Cara: "People thought I'm depressed because my brother committed suicide last year. But it's just a defect in my brains. Two and a half years ago it suddenly began, at first they suspected that I had an anxiety disorder. So the doctor sent me to the psychologist who was going to help me with trauma while I never had. I recieved therapies to process my nonexistent trauma that therefore did not help at all. I'll solve it by myself, I thought. A year later, it still wasn't going well and I was referred to mental health care. Depressed and autistic. That was the outcome. The psychiatrist told me to do lots of sports, and stick to a fixed daily schedule. Nothing helped, so not much later I got medication. At times I swallowed so many medications, including anti-anxiety, that I just could not stand up without tipping over. I was completely empty and could do nothing anymore because of the pills. I really needed it, because it also emptied my depression. I reduced the amount I took, with withdrawal symptoms like a drug addict would have. My depression comes and goes, but I still have to take drugs.

In march everything went downhill. I was hospitalized for four days, but it was a really autism unfriendly environment. Everything was new and I couldn't cope with it. Everything changed. Outside my window, a building was being demolished and I can't stand hard sounds. I get overstimulated, especially when I'm not doing well. Except for dinner time, I spent the whole days in my room. The environment was so different from what I was used to that it frightened me and all I could do was stay curled up in bed. Finally they let me go home. Strong rules were inforced by the psychiatrist so I would follow a fixed schedule. Sometimes I like it, this way I know what i'm up for and that comforts me. other times I hate it. For instance, I have to go take a walk because it's good for me, eventhough I find it horrible because I think it has no purpose. I walk, to go back home.

I've always been open about my conditions on social media. When my brother was depressed my mother hated that she couldn't talk to anyone about it. When you don't talk about it, ideas form in people's minds. So I thought: why not post it on facebook myself, so everyone knows what the problem is. I'm not depressed because my brother commited suicide. There are people who's depression has a clear cause, and there's people where it comes out of the blue. For me its the latter. A genetic mistake. That's what I wanted to be clear. 

" I think it's important people learn what depression really is"

I want the stigma to dissapear. When people talk about depression they often say: "just go have fun, go see your friends". Can it be fixed by doing that? then you're just feeling blue and are not depressed. When you really have depression you don't feel taken seriously when someone says that. Lots of people label themselves depressed without ever seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. By using the term so easily, it seems like it isn't all that bad. I think it's important people learn what depression really is. That way it will be easier to talk about, because you feel being taken seriously. That people stop telling you "Hey, why don't you go out. That'll cheer you right up" when you tell someone you're depressed. Doing something fun won't cure you."