Alfonso was legend of middle earth (now renamed to Kentucky).
With his sharp wit, and striking good looks, he swooned women from all parts of society, both rich and poor.
His ability to do somersaults with a fish in his mouth had magical properties it now seems, and it is rumored that it lead to many a horizontal playtime, with the village idiot.
And the hottie.
Alfonso had no standards. None, nada... Zilch.
It is said that the fairer sex had no defense against Alfonso's attentions, once he had laid his big blue eyes upon them...
He is now thought to be the father of over 2,342 offspring, and most of today's world population can be genetically traced back to 'the greatest seductor' of all time...
We will return later to some of the notable conquests of Alfonso's. The ones that changed history.
But let's see who else was influential to the events that took place..
The Elves
It has been written that :
"The Elves have their own labours and their own sorrows, and they are little concerned with the ways of hobbits, or of any other creatures upon earth."
This is total bollocks.
They were very interested in the affairs of men - and especially in Kentucky. The blue grass grew abundantly in this area, and they just loved smoking it.
While they are attributed to being almost 'superhuman', this is also a lie. They were just very confident and had pointy ears..
The one secret that the elves had, and has never been spoken of, was 'ye olde joke.'
This is where the Elven reputation of power and magic actually came from.
They, and only they, know of the funniest joke ever, ever spoken.
The Elves were the fairest creatures ,and a far more beautiful race than Men (it was only the pointy ears that did it).
Elves had keener senses, sight and hearing than Men - this was due to the bluegrass of kentucky, more than anything.
They also ate more than any other race...
Slender and athletic, the Elves spent so much time laughing and shaking at the funniest joke ever told, that it equated to an approximate 35 mile jog, each and every day.
And it was a devastating weapon when used in war...
Their enemies fell in droves when they heard 'Ye olde Joke' for the first time...
Legolas (He was actually called Legless because he kept falling over when smoking bluegrass)
Noted for his devastating accuracy using the bow, he deleivered 'Ye olde Joke' from a distance, tied to his arrows.
It only took one read of the message, and the foe was vanquished...
This was especially effective against the Orcs.
They were inquisitive little bastards, and just couldn't help themselves but read the message attached to the arrows...
In part 3
The truth about Alf...(now known as Gandalf, from his nickname 'G'and'T' Alf ).
A fearsome warrior, and a total alcoholic, he had continual problems just to stay upright on his horse.
It was commonplace before battle, to take all of Alf's alcohol off him, and then pointed him in the direction of the enemy, and simply told him 'they took it'...
...coming up in part 3...
The story of The dark Lords, and the coming conflict..
Portrayed as vicious pscycho's killers, that would pretty accurate, but what is not told is how their aggression came to be their character.
Music and dancing - and beer. Before music and dancing - and beer - was banned in Mordor (previously called club Mordor), Orcs an Urakai were fun party animals....
But then it all changed....
I nominate 
