I know a secret about you.
You are defective.
The real you is not lovable.
OK, now I have a question.
Did that statement feel false? Did you feel like this doesn't apply to you? Are you only insulted that I just wasted your time?
Or did you sink a little? Maybe you feel sad, maybe angry, and probably you feel both to some degree.
Now to be honest. I'm not trolling you. And, you're not defective. Personally, and if I'm being rational about this, I don't think such a thing as a defective person really exists.
Why would I lie up front?
Because I wanted to mess with your head.
What's wrong with me?
Because, if you're someone who feels this way, deep down, then I needed you to face it.
Feeling defective is, ironically, something almost everyone feels.
Those who deal with this 'feeling' head on, and take action, are the ones everyone else looks up to. They're the ones who provoke thoughts like:
People love that guy.
He's great.
He's successful.
Fundamentally, I'm not like him.
Listening to his success makes me feel bad about myself because I know that'll never be me because it never has been.
I know it won't happen because I'm defective.
The problem with this inner dialogue is that we KNOW it's not true. How many of these "successful people that you can never be" have rags to riches stories? How many of them talk about battling addiction, trauma, tragedy and failure?
Not some of them. All of them. Right?
The next step then, at least for me, became: "My tragedies aren't tragic enough. If only life had kicked me a little harder, I would have felt that necessary extra dose of pain and shame. Then, I would have had what I needed to change. To be better. To really earn love. It hurt, it just didn't hurt enough. Because I'm THAT defective."
When does it end?
Here's another secret. Silly as it might sound, we're going to debunk a concept that hides deep in most people's minds.
Ready?
It isn't repeated failure that brings success. It's losing the fear of failure.
When you fail hard enough, the fear of failure is gone. You're already experiencing it! You only fear bad things when they're not happening.
Failure often appears to rocket people into success. That's because we tend to see someone fall before they rise.
The truth is their greatest fear was realized. And as bad as it was, and it was really bad, still wasn't as terrible as what their mind made it out to be. It didn't end them. It taught them.
As bad as it was, it's just not scary like it used to be.
Now, nothing is scary enough to stop you.
There are people who love you because you are lovable.
When you put yourself out there, to whatever it is that you want to accomplish, you'll often discover that more people love you than you knew.
You'll discover how defective you really are.