Yesterday I did not go to work so that instead I may be able to go speak to my therapist about my most recently overwhelming emotions. My therapist said I have been doing a good job down regulating but where I have been lacking is the release valve for that contained frustrated energy.
Her suggestion was forgiveness starting with writing a letter forgiving myself, those involved in the situation and the situation itself. Since frustration is a physical energy she then suggested burning the letter as a symbolic way of releasing that energy and freeing myself from containing it. Personally I try to stay away from anything destructive so instead of burning the letter I am going to write this post and share it with the individual involved so that hopefully we can move forward together. Let’s put this behind us!
Overview
Several days ago we had an altercation to which both myself and my coworker were offended. Neither one of us had malicious intent behind our words or actions but the situation left us not speaking to each other.
Forgiving Myself
I am not completely sure how this situation was escalated so quickly, I did not intend for it to happen. My attempts to solve the situation by not speaking only allowed the stale air between us to grow even more stagnant. My therapist says I am doing a good job in down regulating myself and that I tried to handle myself appropriately in this situation. All I can do is try work on the release valve for that contained energy so that it will not release at the wrong time again. Simply put I got caught up in this situation and in future I intend to try to do better at expressing myself though sometimes I may need to just shut down as I had done.
Forgiving Those Involved
From what you’ve told me about your life so far I imagine you as well have internal turmoil’s. I know you meant well by the actions you took and that is appreciated. What bothered me of this situation is the accusations of “you“. I was immediately triggered but that is not necessarily any fault of yours, I forgive you for that. I hope we can come to some understanding in the near future not to be offended with each other. Especially since we are ultimately trying to achieve the same things, get our jobs done. You are a good person at heart and even though we do not see eye to eye I cannot hold anything against you!
Forgiving The Situation
Our place of work can be very stressful at times with each of us having our own ideas of how the job should be done. We should all have a mutual understanding that the job needs to be achieved and I would like to believe we’re all doing our best to do so.
I intend to do better at communicating but sometimes situations will call for me shutting down first as if I respond in the moment we end up exactly where we did. That was just a mere moment in our relationship and I am choosing to not let it influence our many year relationship. You were right in saying what you did, maybe not how it was said but I was also in the wrong with how I tried to express myself. It is now apart of history and I wish not to allow history to repeat itself any further!
Conclusion
It is in both of our best interests to get past the conflicts we see within each other relative to confrontation, please understand I do not always mean to be “difficult” and I will try understand the same of you. I choose not to toss accusations but sometimes what I say can seem like one depending on what is going on inside of me. So please buddy take my humble apology, this blog post, my first step in trying to get past what ever I may be holding inside, as a heart felt way of me trying to express the turmoil I am still trying to understand!
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