Rediscovering my appreciation for MDMA [Steemit Exclusive]

(Disclaimer: All readers should be aware that even the most powerful psychedelic medicines cannot give you anything you do not already possess within yourself. Instead, these medicines - when taken in the proper setting - have the ability to contribute to your personal development and healing.)

3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, otherwise known as MDMA or X/ecstasy, is a powerful psychoactive compound which has both stimulant and psychedelic effects. Users typically experience an increase in empathy, euphoria, and heightened senses. It also has the potential to lead to addiction, memory loss, paranoia, teeth grinding, a rapid heartbeat, and difficulty expressing/feeling emotion related to a decrease in the neurotransmitter serotonin.

I first tried MDMA in the summer of 2003. I graduated from highschool after the first semester of my senior year and moved into an apartment with my older brother. I very quickly fell down a rabbit hole of constant drinking and partying. It only took me a few months to recognize that I could not handle my booze. By time the summer rolled around I was starting to hang around some people who were dealing X. At this point the strongest and most popular “tabs” (as we called them) were thick blue pills pressed with the image of a dolphin (aka blue dolphins).

I very clearly remember eating my first blue dolphin and being overwhelmed with so much energy that I literally began to run around the parking lot of my apartment complex. My eyes were bouncing all over the place, my heart was beating rapidly, I couldn’t stop moving my jaw around, and I felt better than I ever had. I was able to communicate my emotions without hesitation to my friends. It was a profound new feeling for me and one that I decided I needed to experience as often as possible. I started “rolling” about 3 times a week for around 6 months.

Some of you know my story of meth addiction. My addiction to ecstasy came about one year before I even really knew what meth was. Addiction to X is interesting because the harm is mostly confined to your brain chemistry. Sure, I was losing a little weight from rolling so often, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted to party! However, after about 6 straight months of rolling every week I realized I was having trouble feeling anything. I wasn’t necessarily depressed, I simply felt apathetic in the truest sense of the word. Unfortunately, I followed this addiction with an addiction to Xanax, but that is a story for another post. Looking back now I realize I was not using this potent medicine in any respectful or conscious manner. In fact, most of the time I was trying to take X with ladies in hopes of sleeping with or fooling around with them. I definitely lost a couple friends because of some shitty decisions I made under the influence.

However, a couple years later (somewhere around 2009) I discovered actual MDMA, not just pills with a tiny bit of MDMA mixed with other random chemicals. This is when I really began to understand the power of MDMA. The compound was not just a tool for trying to fool around with beautiful women, but a gift that has the power to allow you to open up and get to know yourself (and your pains) in a truly genuine fashion. I experimented with MDMA from time to time as it was available and as I had the time. In the last decade I have become increasingly busy and focused with my activism and journalism. Obviously, this does not always allow for taking compounds and even when I did find the time it was done with a completely different intention than what I had previously chosen. I learned to appreciate the potential for a deep connection with another individual or group of individuals when taken with the right intention and in the right environment. I learned that there was much to learn from the experience as long as I went into the situation with an open heart and mind.

Recently, I have started experimenting with MDMA again. First, at Anarchapulco 2017 a friend gifted me a little bit which helped remind me of the beauty of this compound. On New Year’s Eve 2017 I chose to partake with my partner and two close friends. It was a great experience. I have taken it once more since that time with equally empowering results. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, this is not an attempt to sell you on taking MDMA or other drugs. I am not here to convince you that if you do not take MDMA you will never be able to communicate with your loved ones or be able to heal from your trauma. That is absolutely not true. However, I still feel there is value to these compounds and researchers are finally being allowed to test the compounds to reaffirm what many of us have known for some time: psychedelics have the power to radically alter your perspective and initiate healing.

More background on MDMA:

MDMA was first synthesized in 1912, but did not receive mainstream attention until the 1970’s when it was developed and promoted by Alexander Shulgin and his wife Ann. Alexander "Sasha" Shulgin (June 17, 1925 – June 2, 2014) was an American medicinal chemist, biochemist, organic chemist, pharmacologist, psychopharmacologist, and author, often credited with introducing MDMA to psychologists in the late 1970s. Sasha discovered and synthesized over 230 psychoactive compounds throughout his life. Together with his wife, Shulgin wrote the books PIHKAL and TIHKAL (Phenethylamines and Tryptamines I Have Known And Loved), which described their personal experiences experimenting with these two classes of psychoactives. For these efforts, Alexander Shulgin is often known as the “Grandfather of psychedelics”. (I highly recommend getting to know the Shulgin’s work!)

Although Shulgin and others were promoting the use of MDMA as a therapeutic tool, it was not long before the powerful compound broke free of strictly medicinal use and became a popular street drug in the 1980s. MDMA was commonly associated with raves and the counterculture. By the end of the 80’s, Ronald Reagan’s Drug War had propagandized Americans into believing the compound had no legitimate recreational or medicinal use and MDMA joined the ranks of other medicines turned illegal drugs.

However, in recent years the tide has begun to turn. In 2012 the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) sponsored a long term study on the benefits of MDMA. In April 2014, researchers with the University Of Connecticut’s School Of Pharmacy concluded that MDMA assisted psychotherapy could be useful for treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In November 2016, phase 3 clinical trials for PTSD were approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to assess effectiveness and safety. In 2017 the FDA granted MDMA a breakthrough therapy designation for PTSD meaning if studies show promise a review for potential medical use could occur more quickly

In 2017 I reported on these developments for MintPress News:

“Far removed from its humble origins as a therapeutic tool, MDMA, or Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, has typically been associated with counterculture, “Rave” festivals, and recreational drug use. However, in recent years the atmosphere around the substance has shifted from one of skepticism and scorn to one of curiosity and optimism.

MAPS also announced that the FDA agreed to the design of two upcoming Phase 3 trials of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for patients with severe PTSD. The first Phase 3 trial will start enrolling patients in Spring 2018. The goal of trials in Phase 3 is to examine the efficacy and safety of the therapy on 200 to 300 patients with PTSD within the U.S., Canada, and Israel.

Due to the work of the nonprofit, MDMA-assisted psychotherapy could be approved as a legal prescription medicine in 2021.”

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