Increasingly in the last few months, I have realized that my two beautiful and much-beloved children have grown up and emerged as two real-life killjoy agents or so perceived by me, the mother, in any case.
killjoy noun
kill·joy | \ ˈkil-ˌjȯi
Definition of killjoy
: one who spoils the pleasure of others
as found in the Mirriam Webster dictionary online https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/killjoy
**Now, don't get me wrong. I have two of THE MOST AMAZING offspring in the world. How can I list thee good character traits?
- they are friendly (mostly, but most importantly always with other people if not with their mother at times)
- they are extremely helpful, over the top so at times (gets it from the parentals, good thing or bad, not entirely sure)
- they are compassionate
- they are creative
- they are inherently good kids
- they are moneywise
- they are supportive
- they are empathetic
- they are smart and highly intelligent
- they can converse well
- they can (mostly) think for themselves
The Xman does enjoy the occasional movie outing with mom if it includes his favorite super heros
But what they are most days, are KILLJOYS! This is the one attribute that I did not teach them and that I did not see coming as it hit me from the left field with an impact that is still having an effect on me. As a solo-parent for the best part of the past 19+ years, my only focus was to raise decent human beings and keeping home and hearth together, no mean feat if your husband is away for three months or more at a time, a fact that did not afford him the luxury to be a full-time dad.
As a fun loving and avid 'tryer' of anything new in life, this is a concept that is totally incomprehensible to me though. How on earth did I manage to raise two children that are highly satisfied with spending most of their days indoors staring at screens? Yes, I am a tad hypocritical now because as a social media addict sharing daily on my WordPress site, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and now I have gone and added Steemit to the mix causing this mom to be online quite a bit of the day as well. Having said that though, I am 42, I have lived a bit of life, one without screens and although I do confess to spending a lot of time similarly staring at screens I do take timeout for long walks with my camera, a swim at the beach down the road, a dip in the pool in our garden, a day out with hubby as we explore new territories.
Love teaching my kids new things, here we are doing a driving lesson shortly before the girl-child got here drivers licence
My offspring though, will happily spend whatever's left of their day after respectively working at the local stables and the other helping out at the animal sanctuary, yes, I did mention they are NOT bad children, on their beds staring at their respective screens. One in hope of a message from the boyfriend alternating between his messages and Instagram and the other one glued to whatever nonsense he is watching on YouTube.
They have become the type of teens, mind one is almost twenty, that will complain about mom taking photos, mom asking 'let's go the shop', mom requesting their presence for a beach walk or a new adventure and yes......as I am writing this I am realizing that I am probably being a bit unfair. I mean, which 17 & 19 years old still wants to hang out with the parents? Certainly not me when I was 17 or 19 years of age, but then, my family wasn't living abroad which our family does.
Ranting here has given me some perspective this morning as hard as it is to accept, the kids are growing up. They are young adults. They probably don't have to like everything their mom and dad likes whether it's a movie, food or an outing somewhere.
It is something that I feel ill-equipped to deal with as a mother, one that spent the last 19 + years having her life revolve around the kids coping as a solo-parent due to hubby's offshore work. Being alone with them for so many years for months at a time sort of made us dependant on one another for everything from conversation to friendship and more. It unfortunately also added another issue; 'familiarity breeds contempt', and this is where the 'killjoy' factors in I suppose. NObody is at fault, it is a part of life. A hard fact but one nevertheless.
Sometimes reading what one feels in the written word, black on white, gives one a bit of a different perspective. Something that has occurred to me as I've now let off some steam here, no excuse for the pun, but I feel somewhat better for realizing that doesn't matter how irritated and frustrated I get with these actually not so important things in the greater scheme of life, I do love and cherish my two brats to the moon and back.
Hubby often tries to appease my aggravation by reminding me that our children are growing up(have grown up) in a totally different era, one that was safe but NOT so child orientated, nor did our parents involve us as much in their lives and issues and most certainly not dragging us on outings at these advanced ages as by that time we were most probably either kicked out of the nest already or have flown the nest of our own volition. Something that I don't see happening here within the next year or so....I'm gonna have to buckle up and keep the chin up and try to not be so sensitive perceiving all negative output as 'killjoy' moment but rather try and acknowledge that what I like is most likely not what I like or enjoy.
That said...I'm not letting them off the hook full-time.... ;) There is way too much on offer and to explore and they need to get up and seize the day.
Ihave good children, kind and compassionate and hard working. They don't do drugs, they are not out partying out each night, nor hanging out with the wrong crowd and apart from the occasional dirty dishes that aren't where it should be, they have more good qualities than bad and I should focus more on THAT and less on the fact that as typical young adults they are in the process of developing their own personalities and fine-honing their life choices. We can but hope that our spirit for adventure and love for exploring rubs off on them at some point.
Rant over! I give thanks for my children. They are healthy and still safe with me for a while as they prepare to embark on this last few steps of this journey called life. Not everyone is equally blessed to have that privilege and I realize that.
If you survived my rant I thank you for taking the time to read it. Please feel free to comment below. I blog over at www.karolien-thereslifeafterkids.com and can be found under that moniker on most social media platforms. :)