Before Baby
Becoming a mum has been the most rewarding experience I have ever been through. It's amazing and something that I thought may not happen. I was too busy for a baby. I had a successful career and was enjoying life and being selfish. My life was all about me (and my partner). I knew that as soon as I had a baby, life would become all about them and my life would be forever different.
That would mean no more nights out with my mates, no more going out to the movies, no more fancy dinners out, no more parties, goodbye social life, disposable income and free time.
No thanks. I wasn't ready.
Well, eventually I did fall pregnant. We decided to come off birth control and see what happens. Turns out nothing happened for quite some time. Then it did. Right when we were in the middle of selling our house and moving cities (talk about timing huh!). My partner had already moved and was working in his new job in the new town. I was staying behind to sell the house. Just after the house sold we found out that our lives would be changing even more than expected. It was exciting and scary all at once.
Work and why I'm struggling to say bye
I have always been a dedicated employee. The first one to offer to stay late if something is broken. I work in IT and I have always enjoyed the troubleshooting aspect and the feeling of fixing an issue that is not straight forward. I worked hard to get into IT. I studied and got a degree. I started right at the bottom of the ladder in my career. Straight out from uni and into a helpdesk job. Over the years I worked my way up and I am now a senior analyst in our IT team. The next step up in the ladder is management (I'm not ready for that step). I'm really proud of all the time and effort and hard work I have done to get to where I am in my career. But now I'm walking away. And that's where I struggle. It kinda feels like I'm throwing away or turning my back on a big part of me. My identity. Who I've been for my entire adult life. IT isn't the easiest career to get back into after a break away. So really I think this is the end of my career in IT.
I have taken 1 year off for maternity leave (7 months down, 5 to go). However before I had my baby I had made loose plans to return to work early. Saying that I would work from home while the baby naps. Yeah right! I had no idea how much time this baby needs!
Decision made
After taking to my partner over the past few months we've decided that the best thing for us and our family is for me to stay at home and raise our child (children if we are lucky enough to have another one day). The thought of leaving my baby so I can return to work makes me feel sick. I know I can't do it. I can't leave her. My job now is to be her mum. The best mum I can be. I know if I return to work I won't be a good mum and I won't be a good employee. I'll be torn.
I'm pleased that I am in the position where I have a choice. I know many people have no choice and they have to return to work. I'm thankful that I am able to stay home. I feel blessed in a way that I can be a stay at home mum.
Again it means goodbye to all the things listed above (no more nights out, movies, parties etc now that we are a family on a single income) but now I'm thrilled to say goodbye to them and I couldn't be happier with my life.
I just have one scary step ahead of me and that is telling work that I won't be returning! Any tips?!
