Today was pretty much eventful. While there's no significant occasion that contributed to this day being eventful, today will go down in history as the day that I tried to live outside my comfort zone, and do so successfully (I'd love to think so).

Today, I got catcalled.

Again. While it has happened a number of times in the past few years already (it was too many I lost count), it does not necessarily mean that I have grown accustomed to it. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

The more it happens, the more it makes me feel more uncomfortable. Hive account@janeloi knows about my frustration every time things like this happen, and we'd go rant about our frustrations together. (Thanks for being there always, guuurl!)

Before you begin even remotely blaming me for being catcalled, let me begin by saying that I was not wearing anything provoking. I was wearing the most un-flattering T-shirt you'll find and blue jeans and closed shoes... with a matching backpack. I'd just gotten off from work and was walking on my way to get dinner when this truck started following my pace and started to call out to me -- even asked me to join them in their truck!

I summoned Myself Version Two-Point-Oh

Normally I would ignore them. Like, totally ignore them: as if I hear nothing. Today, I decided to give them my "Do-I-look-like-I-give-a-flying-f*ck" look and literally super brisk walked.

It was horrible. It felt too long; I felt like the walkway couldn't reach a more crowded place faster. But for once, I never felt better.

The many times this happened before made me feel incapable [of standing up for myself], but today, despite the small gesture, it felt good being able to tear down anxious Aira and bring out glaring Aira. Makes me wish to have at least said a very loud "F*CK OFF!"

Sorry, times like this test my patience (that's starting to run thin, with regards to stuff like this) and my cussing (which can be very colorful, mind you).

I crossed a four-lane highway.

It was a bad evening. But there were good things today, too.

There was this well-known quotation that goes

I am a strong, independent woman.

And a meme was making rounds in Philippine social media that goes along the lines:

I am a strong, independent woman, but please help me cross the road.

If you don't know yet, I have a fear of crossing roads. I hate it! But today, I got to cross a four-lane highway... alone. 

And twice!

I felt so accomplished! And proud -- definitely proud. Suddenly, I felt like I could do a lot of other things that I would normally call "outside my comfort zone."

Being alone triggers anxiety on someone so used on being accompanied.

Hazel Hive account@travelingmercies once told me that she'll "teach me to be independent." (I'm the "clingiest" out of our group). Our workplaces were literally across each other (errr, across diagonally? 😂) so we currently live together. 

Our workplaces are across each other... diagonally.

I guess when she said she'll teach me to be "independent," she meant leaving me alone in:

• Eating out
• Crossing roads
• Riding jeepneys
• Walking home
• Buying food/groceries/stuff

Thing is, while I love to be locked up in my room, alone with a book, it doesn't day the same about being alone in public. I am socially anxious, and I always think the wooorst when I'm out in a crowded place.

Doing these things alone quickly depletes my energy.

I'd never felt more alone.

Doing things you don't normally do is going to be a challenge. I found that you'll be extremely anxious and nervous and uncomfortable and you'll wish to go crawl up your bed and sleep for a long time. That is definitely me.

As someone who's so used to doing things with friends and family and never alone, I decided that today, I'll bask in the glory of doing things independently.

I had never felt so alone.

But at the same time, I'd never felt more headstrong.

Living outside my comfort zone truly drains everything confident in me, but I never felt better being able to explore another person in me.

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_{Pictures are from Pixabay and Google Maps.}