The Neediness Cycle
I was thinking just the other day. As a person who struggles with over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice, it can be tough to know when I am neglecting myself to put others first. I will do everything in my personal power to accommodate, and end up exhausted from an oftentimes thankless job. You see, I realized that just like me, there are people who over-receive. These people have personal issues they need to work on and either are unwilling or unknowing. So, they receive help and assistance ad infinitum without giving back.
I call these people black holes of neediness. Their intense draw of neediness gravitates towards people like me who have a near infinite supply to give. This duality you find in relationships, but also in friendships. It took one of my now distant friends to finally realize this. This person would let you bend over backwards for them while dangling you along with false promises and insincerity.
Why black hole, why do you have to treat me this way?
Breaking the Toxic Cycle
My personality has been likened to that of a rabbit who senses people’s weaknesses and helps, unwittingly or not, lead them from pain to pleasure. I give and give to try to help the person overcome their struggles. So, when I sense a friend who is in need, it becomes priority number one to help them. The self-sacrificing cycle would begin until it would reach a breaking point and I would have a breakdown, in one way or another. But now, standing here today, as I overcome childhood traumas, I begin to find my self-worth. I realize this type of relationship is incredibly toxic.
These people who have no interest in helping themselves or giving back to form a healthy relationship are of no value to me. I realize I have self-worth that isn’t able to be fully given away any longer. And so as my self-worth continues to build, I no longer feel the compulsive need to pour my entire energy and existence into these toxic black holes of neediness. In the past, I would pour myself forever into a black hole as I didn’t have the self-worth to realize I was giving myself away and that was something of value.
Full of self-worth, the only way now is up!
Are You a Rabbit Too?
Can you relate to any of this? Do you find yourself routinely sacrificing yourself for the betterment of others? There is nothing wrong with giving to others. In fact, it’s a beautiful thing and a huge part of who I am. The key difference here is being able to distinguish when you are being taken advantage of or the person benefitting is ungrateful and offering nothing in return, as was the case with my friend. I no longer have the patience for such people to be in my life.
It was a huge breakthrough for me to realize how closely linked self-sacrifice and self-worth were. If you can relate to my story, maybe it’s a good idea to revisit some past events in your life where people made you feel worthless. In my case, it was with my father. Overcoming that emotional abuse took time, and now that I am on the other side, I feel much more complete.
Why stick with people who don't help build your self-worth?
Maybe You're a Black Hole?
…or maybe you find yourself aligning with the black hole of neediness? Do you feel that no matter how much people help you it still just isn’t enough to maintain your head above water? There might be something from your past lurking deeper. Perhaps you come from a family who was incapable of giving you the love you needed so you were always seeking to receive, receive, receive their love and attention. You might feel like you aren’t enough to receive their love. If you were better or tried harder they would love you. This is really an issue with the parent being incomplete themselves, not a matter of you not being enough.
The good news is that this is nothing more than a damaging childhood relationship and belief system you programmed into your existence. It is really difficult to face, but working through these dated beliefs can really help you heal and form stronger relationships with those around you. You may never get that love you crave so much from your parents, but you can break the cycle. You can turn the tide and give back to those around you. Hypnotherapy is a great way to safely and effectively revisit troubling events from your past.
Surround yourself with positive energies!
Moving Onward and Upward
I ask you to please also see I am not attacking these black holes. I understand everyone has their own background and troubles to sift through. Rather, I am recognizing that it isn’t my duty to give myself away in attempt to helping them any longer. By breaking this cycle myself, I can gravitate towards more complete people who complement my progress and reflect my best qualities. For me, these black holes, like my low self-worth, are a thing of the past.
I am a US born photographer now living in Barcelona, Spain. Through my travels I have learned many things. The most important of which is letting go of all ego. It is only then can we move past our hangups and achieve our destinies. I love the community here and the encouragement I receive to continue practicing my voice. Please, if you have any feedback, don’t hesitate to comment. If you want me to check out your account, let me know. I love meeting others who wish to inspire a community and movement for progressive change.
Have a wonderful day 💙