Stuck

This year has been extremely trying on me, and my whole family. It has opened up more feelings and emotion than I can ever process in a lifetime.

The best way I can explain how I currently feel is like mush, my body has collapsed in on itself with no more strength to press through another devastating blow.

I have tried my hardest to focus on the positive, to work through each dark place as if the light is easily found, but yet it continues to slip through the crack that let that glimpse of light shine through.

I've lost another mother mentor, this past Monday. Another victim of the nasty evil turmoil of cancer. I am getting to a point where I am eluded from any feelings, just numb.

My ability to reason, make sound decisions, sleep or be slightly rational has gone missing along with that glimpse of light.

I feel as if I am unable to catch my breath, or even fathom the joy I felt in Thailand, I just want to disappear to the shores of Pattaya and feel the ocean's warm hug drift across my skin along with the warmth of the sun beating down on my angel kissed cheeks.

My greatest accomplishment this year, is continuing to wake up each morning and trudge through regardless to the heavy weight of loss and grief.

I am hoping and wishing that I will have a less difficult year ahead and that the universe will spare my family and myself from any other major trials.