My EX contacted me recently, you'll notice I've put 'ex' in capital letters, that's because he was a huge part of my life and still is in some respects, because he left a void the size of my father when he left. Not that I think of him as my father, but it was what he represented and how I could relate to him in his mannerisms and all that. He'd been on my mind, you know how we reminisce about the past, the things he said, did. Anyway, he did something that I never thought he would do - he apologised. He apologised in a way I've never heard before, he said 'it's not you, it's me, I was frustrated'. He was referring to his abrupt departure, without warning or communicating that he was leaving. You see, at the time I was frustrated with his nonchalant attitude towards my emotional turmoil over having to make a decision whether to stay in the relationship or walk away. He beat me to it. He stopped answering my calls and texts, just like that. Robbing me of the opportunity to say my piece, and to perhaps break-up on amicable grounds and still remain friends. Maybe that's wishful thinking, but all the same I was gutted!
So..and?
Well, that was 10 months ago and here we are, like none of that happened. Except for one thing - I'VE CHANGED. In those 10 months I've learnt to put myself first and never again give my power away to people who could walk away and could care less about the impact on our emotional and psychological wellbeing. His apology however removed the anger I'd been carrying around like bags of bricks for so long, and his apology revealed a vulnerability where now we could really have a conversation! The apology opened up a channel of communication in which we were able to be honest and open about how we felt and still feel about each other. It's a start and it's still early days, but maybe in time we will get to a place where we can be the friends we were before our friendship developed into an intimate partnership. Common' it's what happens! : )
Unfortunately..
there are no winners in this game called LOVE.
Pictures: Image
Source: J Law memoirs [March 2018]