Hey Steemians,
Today is one of those days I suppose. A day where I question my own worth to society. A day where I question my worth to Steemit. A day where I question my worth to those of you who may be reading this. I often seek to improve myself. I always feel as though I do not measure up, or that what I do, no matter what it is, is never good enough.
I'm not exactly sure why I carry the burden of this corrosive thought pattern, but I internalize everything, and really, what my role plays in others input towards me, or lack thereof. If the input is good, I question if I really deserve it or not. If the input is bad, I wonder what I did wrong, and what I can do to possibly improve a lacking aspect of myself. If I get no input at all, I feel as though I just fucking suck at life..
I am constantly questioning my worth. Am I alone? Or can anyone relate? Should I feel guilty for deciding to just rant on about it on Steemit, considering it's probably about one of the most worthless, valueless posts that I will ever put on the blockchain, or should I care? Because really, what does it matter? Whether I get an upvote, or a comment, or a fuck you, it really doesn't matter. The truth is, I will never stop being critical of my own existence. It's just what I do, it's who I am, and it's probably what has held me back in so many aspects of life.
So fuck it. I don't give two flying shits what anyone thinks. Here I am just saying it. Because at the end of the day, my hard work amounts to me getting maybe 20 views a post, and if I want to get paid, I end up boosting my posts up with useless bots to gain visibility. Well fuck that too...I am not going to bother. Because its terrible for the Steemit economy anyway, and it doesn't make a bit of difference. It's quite obvious that my writing is shit. To me, this is whats perceived. So tack, wittiness, creativeness. Fuck it all. I'll just uselessly ramble because that is how I feel right now. Brutal honesty. I feel, most of the time that I have a fucking ghost following. I can count on one hand the amount of people who will likely comment on this, despite the countless Steemians I interact with and support on Steemit.
So what am I ? Chopped fucking liver??? That's how I feel. Not because of people on Steemit...This is how I have felt my entire life, and my most in depth, researched, and edited posts get the least amount of attention. So is that a problem with steemit, or a problem with me? Probably me. So the hell with it...Ill just write whatever comes to my head, not even bother fucking editing it anymore, and just watch complete lack of reciprocation. Do you care? I don't fucking care anymore...What a joke.
So lets look further into futuremind's lunacy.
According to the Briggs/Myers personality test, which I have taken a multitude of times, with the same results year after year, I am an INFJ-T.
What is it? go fucking look it up, because I will not bother wasting my time for an underpaid post, I add no value to Steemit right?
Here are my analytical breakdowns according to my most recent test.
Personality type: “The Advocate” (INFJ-T)
Individual traits: Introverted – 93%, Intuitive – 78%, Feeling – 61%, Judging – 63%, Turbulent – 78%
Role: Diplomat
Strategy: Constant Improvement
This is the rarest of personality types, making up less than one percent of the population, and probably, the most internally conflicted
Now I'll go think about how much I suck, and uselessly comment on people's posts who will either not even bother answering back, or if they do, probably never even take a gander over to my page.
What a narcissistic world we seem to live in....
BTW, I will still continue to support my small circle of Steemit friends, because I love you guys and girls. You add meaning to my life , and help me stay sober everyday. Whether or not I get paid doing what I love to do doesn't matter. I should be more grateful, because at the end of the day, I do better than many people on here, but I still feel undervalued and underappreciated. If I offended anyone, or made anyone feel like I'm a crybaby.. Well, I don't really care...
Much love,
