...diary of a heroin addict # Background 3
So if you read my last two posts you will have noticed they have all been background 1 and background 2. This is the final piece of background information and how I got to where I am now.
So... I was living in the 'death house' waiting to die pretty much. Drinking first think in the morning at 8;30 when the office opened and until last thing at night 10;00 when the bottles had to be in and the office closed.
I knew I wasn't in the best of health but I wasn't expecting what happened next. There was nothing out of the ordinary before I went to sleep and I don't remember anything happening during the night. I woke up before ten o clock I know that for sure. Almost immediately contractions or waves of immediate pain kicked in. The pain was a deep, sharp, savage pain in the upper abdomen.
Moving around into different positions did nothing to ease the pain. This was one of those moments where even if I had some dope or some pain killers to hand I wouldn't have been able to stop my self from ringing an ambulance. Luckily one of the fellas in the room next to me had heard me screaming in agony and had called one.
^ this one of about one of ten a day.
Bouts of vomiting tons of green bile, shaking and severe sweating is all I remember from this initial attack. Any bits of time where I was able to think I was thinking to my self over and over 'I am going to die!'.
My abdomen had swelled up like a basketball too!
I passed out and the ambulance came and took me to the nearest hospital.
After blood tests, ct scans, mrcp scans, more blood tests and lots of prodding and poking I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis. If you don't know what this disease is then check out thus link: https://pancreasfoundation.org/patient-information/chronic-pancreatitis/
I spent one month in hospital for this initial visit. Little did I know this was going to be the first of many to come.
Unfortunately as the name suggests chronic pancreatitis does not get better and only gets worse.
When I heard the news they were putting me on oxycontin I was secretly delighted. I heard about these before but hadn't come across them in all my years in the UK. However, this was to set me back on track of opiate addiction as I had been clean of opiates for a while and was just drinking.
I stopped drinking in that November. If I was to have a session or a round of heavy drinking I would probably die. So this was advised to refrain from doing.
The oxycontin gave me moderate relief but because of my high tolerance to opiates they had to up it, up it again and up it some more....
I am now on the max dose they will give me and topping up with heroin.
There is a limit though to what any doctor will allow you to be on. The way oxycontin is designed is to last over twelve hours which it fails to do. It fails to last six.
The next months I was in terrible pain, lack of sleep and my pancreas was getting worse. I had picked up a heroin habit again just to stay out of pain. Sometimes I tell my self it's okay because I'm doing it for a chronic disease - like Kurt Cobain, but look how he ended up.
Present day. I have lost five stone involuntary. Usually get by on about ten hours sleep a week unless I get lucky. Many hours of severe pain have been induced and I am at a point of waiting for our new house that I have been awarded as I'm sick and deciding how to go with my life from here.
Heroin and opiate addiction has a huge stigma around it. I understand this but it is mainly there because it is illegal - even though it is completely legal in the form of a big pharmacy medication. Kind of saying I'm your drug dealer, not him!
So over the next while I will be keeping a daily diary. The highs and lows. The ups and downs and the unpredictable turmoil I currently find my self in.
Sorry you have had to endure these three background pieces but I have written them to the best of my ability and on my mobile phone! That shows some dedication right?
Please look out for my daily releases. I'm sure there is a lot of people out there that have wondered about the lifestyle, the drug and its effects etc. You can now go there without your life being torn apart.
This isn't a simple case of why dont you just get clean then? Because of the chronic pain. I wouldnt not be able to function what so ever. Even the slight functionability I have at the moment is poor but I'm hoping to change some of that.
All views will be greatly appreciated. Upvote if you like my writing or anything vote worthy in the diaries.
...the diary of a heroin addict ~ raw, repugnant , realism.
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