Hi Everyone,
For a long period of time I didn't want to admit something to my self.
Have you ever felt that because every one are doing the same thing and obviously wanting the same things you want them too?
Maybe not, but to be honest with you all I did, not that I'm proud of that but looking back only by seeing this I could change it.
So... as you already probably understand this is a story about change, most people never liked change and me too, but after going trough some hard things it just had to happen.
Listen closely,
I was born to a strange family, maybe some of you would never think to consider my family strange but in my country we were different.
What do I mean by that you ask?
I was born in Israel, I would never have anything bad to say about my country and I love it a lot, but like in every country the crowd mentality is one.
What makes the mentality to be very similar in each different type of nationality?
you answered in correctly! The Proud Government.
Long story short at the year 1990 my parents immigrated to Israel like many others from Russia because we are Jewish.
According to my mother Jewish people were terrorized on a daily basis in Russia and the life for them was very hard there.
I do not know if its true but I don't think anyone would leave behind all of they're belongings to flea the country if it wasn't.
There was a new law in Russia at that time when the Government approved Jewish people to leave the country.
They had to leave all of they're valuables behind except of very few small material things, for example a diamond ring if its in the right size{ very small}.
When they got to the "promise land" they had nothing, and it wasn't anyone's fault in the new country.
Imagine yourself having to leave the country right now and taking nothing with you.
I personally believe that it must be scary, the only good thing about all of this is that apartments were very cheap in Israel at that time, around 100k USD, yes very "cheap".
I don't really know how is that possible but somehow with credit form the bank they managed to buy a 3.5 bedroom apartment for that price in 5 years.
Maybe because my mother wanted to give birth to a child and raise him in a good home after having 5 abortions in a row before she could give birth.
Year 1995, I was born, her dream child that she long dream about. The child that she never thought she will be able to see alive walking on our amazing earth.
When I was born my "Father" held me, You will soon understand what I mean by that.
As I was growing up I remember being alone at home most of the time or maybe because I still don't want to believe that I was raised by my grandmother.
Remember I told you that my mom bought a house that had 3.5 rooms in it, imagine where I was sleeping.
Of-course that its not terrible but I never liked the fact that I'm almost having my bed on the the table, in order to move in my room you had to physically walk on the bed.
Anyway one beautiful day my mom takes me to a cafe down the street, I was around 5 yo at the time I believe, a happy kid, I never cared about anything, I was brave.
Suddenly at the cafe my mom started crying, I asked her "mommy, mommy why are you crying", I remember the whole street suddenly being silent, as she told me "your father is dead".
I didn't tell you much about my dad because I barley remember him, the only thing I remember is him coming back once a month with a gift, and I remember myself being the happiest kid in the world when I was able to see him.
I started shouting and screaming "Noooooooooooooooo" I don't believe you, this cant be happening, my mom tried to calm me down as fast as she could.
I still don't know how she had the guts to tell it to me that way straight to my face and I still didn't figure out how I understood what it meant so much at the time.
Anyway until that moment my life was perfect and I was a happy kid filled with joy to the bone, after that moment everything changed.
Life started to look black, doesn't matter what anyone was telling me or what was happening around me it really didn't mean a thing.
I just felt like bad luck surrounds me and that there is nothing that I could do about it, I felt like I'm hated by "God", that same god that everyone around me taught me to love and believe in so much.
My mom explained me that my father died in a car accident while he was running, I hope that I can believe her after all those lies of how she told me that he died in the future.
Anyway not only that this happened at the time, I had few other problems to deal with back then as well.
I didn't know Israels language [Hebrew] while I was still in the kindergarten so I just had 1 Russian friend like me.
I was depressed before I knew what it even meant, and I had the big problem of being over emotional and aggressive all the time.
I could never stop crying, even if the kids just spoke about they're parents I couldn't hear it, I felt that it hurts too much.
When I got to the primary public school at 6 yo I found out a strange fact, the fact that I found out is that because I don't know the language of the other kids and because of the fact that my father recently died I'm getting hated and laughed at for it.
To be honest with you that's the only thing that hurts til this day, why only that out of all the things?
Because as humans we naturally have something against people that are not like us, look at all the free internet and bitcoin haters.
Anyway I became aggressive towards everyone, I started being hostile and violent, they're negative emotions towards me gave me a good enough reason to feel good only when I hurt others.
I wasn't a psychopath, I just felt hated and I didn't feel that I have any reason to be nice to anyone around me.
I want help from my surrounding to overcome all these mental pain, but instead I felt like the people around me that can make me feel better are stabbing me in my heart.
I'm sure that from this moment on you can imagine where my life took my as I got older, violence, drugs, hanging out with the worst of the bunch, skipping school and of course drinking and smoking since the age of 8 because I was hanging out with the "cool gown ups".
After a few times spending few nights in a few jails, after almost dying for a few times and hurting other people to the point of hospitalization, after smoking and drinking enough to kill 2 elephants and a bear my mom told me something while we were fighting when I turned 17.
While we were fighting and like always as she were asking me to change, in the middle of all the shouting, in the middle of my sentence as I always was blaming the fact that I had no father.
She told me "Son I have something to tell you, but don't hate me for it please", she quietly said"you cannot blame the fact that your father died anymore", I answered why mom while I was crying", because the man who died wasn't really your father.
Things got quiet, I could only hear my self thinking and us breathing heavily, I felt weird looking back on it.
Of course I would feel weird right?
But not because of the that reason you probably think... I felt like a 100 ton whale was lifted of my shoulders, a second had passed, and I felt like I would never be able to take something seriously anymore, I felt like I lived all my life inside my own perspective on things.
I didn't care that a second after she told me that my biological father is still alive and living in the US[ I still don't remember his name and don't bother to ask, she doesn't like to speak about him anyway], the only thing that I could care about is that I can live life from this moment on in the way that I see the world.
Few years had passed, I learned a thing or two about life.
This year I became a millionaire, in my country at least.
I managed to changed the way I do everything, I changed my habits, I changed the way i think.
I can proudly tell you that I will never let my self feel bad again, not because of the fact that I'm the strongest man alive or I don't have emotions, because I learned the most important rule of all.
Our life, our physical existence is just the way that we perceive it, maybe most of you already know that.
But its important to feel it in your hearts.
I hope that my blog here will help you all look at the world in the way that I and many other wonderful people look at it.
Sometimes our life is hard, sometimes things could look better, but everything is exactly the way that we decide to see it.
I will do everything that I can to help you master your perspective.
If you enjoyed reading this post follow my page and have a quick look at the rest of my content.
I will be very happy if you find value in it.
Have an amazing day.
Sinceirly,
Idan