Tonight I experienced something that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve been talking to a boy that I matched with on Tinder, that old chestnut, and it was all going well. We’d been talking about meeting up for a while but as time went on and messages deceased, my interest flailed and my anxiety peaked. As the messages continued, and continued to interest me, I thought, ‘why not?’, mixed with a little bit of, ‘what have you got to lose?’. So we planned to go for a drive, maybe get some food, a coffee, the typical Tinder date. My spirits were high and I got all dolled up, like I actually putting on foundation which does not happen very often. I even switched outfits 3 times! Now before anybody calls me crazy, this is just the average girl getting really for a date that she’s excited/nervous for. I haven’t been out with anyone who made me nervous in a long time so this was a pretty big deal to me. I was ready go. I was happy with how I looked, I was feeling calm and positive, ready. But then a tiny shadow of doubt crept up on me, before looking me in the eye and deciding to run me down. And so, the wait began… the wait for a reply to a text, cue sigh ladies, this is when I realised I had encountered a fuckboy.
I searched the depths of Urban Dictionary to find the perfect definition of a fuckboy.
“Fuckboy"
‘A Fuckboy is the type of guy who does shit that generally pisses the population of the earth off all the time. He will also lead girls on just for hookups, says hes really into you but doesn't want to deal with all the "relationship bullshit" just to fuck you. He thinks about himself and only himself all the time but pretends to be really nice. He also does really fucked up shit and then complains about people who do the same old shit as him. once a fuckboy always a fuckboy, because fuck boys ganna be fuckboys.’
quote: youngsnaps, 2014.
I’ve seen my fair share of fuckboys. I’m 19, all the fish in the sea are fuckboys! As a legitimate strong, independent woman who don’t need no man, I have found peace in being single, accepting the fact that I am alone as, ‘everything happens for a reason’. But there comes a time in a young woman’s life where she know’s she doesn’t need a man, she just wants one. So being fully aware of the fuckboys out there, equiped with her shield and her armour, she launches into the lions den to get herself some di-.., I mean a man!
This is a phase commonly known as ‘dating’.
Guy number 1 is cute, but he still lives with his parents and has crazy jealousy issues.
Guy number 2 is sweet, but forgot about you all the time because he smoked too much weed.
Guy number 3 was the best, he asked you to be in a relationship with him but then avoided you 2 weeks after until eventually ghosting you.
You realise dating is not for you.
So perhaps, girl, you put your armour on too soon, but at least you were wearing it. Though my armour is well designed and has been improved after each battle, yours may not be. Small wounds may be there and your heart might begin to hurt, your self-esteem beginning shatter. You may find yourself asking the questions, ‘What did I do wrong?’, ‘Can I change the situation?’, ‘Why are all men like this?’.
I have been caught in the cycle of dating, falling, crashing, before questioning almost everything about the relationship. ‘Time heals all’ is a quote I live by because it’s true, but what makes time move a little faster and a little easier is a little something called forgiveness.
You can forgive anybody: the boy who hurt you… yourself for fucking it up… But if you leave all feelings of hate and hurt and astonishment of how somebody can be so dumb on the table.. time will keep on ticking and you will dig yourself into a deeper and deeper hole of emotional fucked-upness, and that isn’t something you want, especially as a strong, independent woman.
In the Bible, forgiveness is major. Jesus died for our sins. God nailed his only Son to a cross so our sins could be forgiven and so we could have eternal life in heaven. Even if you do not believe in God or religion, this verses should apply to you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.
Acts 3:19
19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.
Now, I may not be the most religious person but I do believe these verses.Without forgiveness we will forever be stuck in the mud with our thoughts, unable to move forward. But, once we forgive, we can be cleansed, refreshed and rejuvenated; ready to try again. To keep the ball rolling in whatever direction it decides.
As for the guy at the beginning of my story, I wasn’t going to let him get away with letting me down. Most boys, when they let a girl down they won’t make another attempt. How I think of it is, guys see their ‘prey’ get upset and realise they may not be as eager. But theres a way to figure this out, and ladies, it’s called confrontation. So, when he finally replied to my messages of ‘where are you?’ and ‘what the heck I thought we had a date!’, we talked about it. I told him my side and he told me his, he realised I was upset and now we’re planning to go out again, properly, planned out and everything. I can’t let the affect of all the other fuckboys fuck up my chance with a person who may be potentially good for me. Armours off, this isn’t a battle anymore, its life, a life of fuckboys, forgiveness and keeping the ball rolling. So maybe not all boys are fuckboys, but I best not speak too soon, ill just keep on keeping on.
I thought I’d share this with you as I think forgiveness is a lesson anybody can take something away from. Have you experienced something similar? What have you learnt? Let me know in the comments. And if there’s anything else you’d like to see me write about let me know that as well :)
Thanks for reading!