Oh my. Oh my.

This brought me to tears. I am so glad you're writing it out. I want to go and wrap my arms around the little-girl-you and give her a hug and give her all the love and sweetness she deserves. It's so heartbreaking how children are treated by some parents.

You've done a really nice job of talking about your mother in a non-blaming way. She probably did the best she could, the best she knew, as you explained. Given that she had her own distant and/or abusive upbringing, how would she possibly have the tools to give you the love and attention you deserved?

I relate to this post so much. My parents were never physically abusive, thank heavens, and they stayed together until the end of their lives. But it has taken me a lifetime (well... so far...) to try to come to terms with the emotional distance and abuse. And I think your situation was so much worse. I'm trying to even wrap my head around that, and how someone can even begin to recover.

We humans are incredibly resilient. I wish you well on your journey.