I started this year with a whole bunch of goals that I wanted to achieve by June and I haven’t achieved any of them. Oops! What I have achieved though, is so much more than I had expected. I have found healing, my voice, my passion and a peace that I haven’t felt for years.
I started off the year a shattered version of myself. I didn’t recognize anything about myself. It was as if I was a porcelain doll that had been dropped to the floor. I had been dropped and was shattered into so many pieces. I knew I had to find some way to superglue myself back together again. Well, that is what I thought I had to do and in the process, I realized that superglue wouldn’t do the trick this time round. I needed to be completely rebuilt. I needed new arms, legs and a brand new pretty dress.
Slowly but surely, I started putting myself back together again piece by piece. Sure, I didn’t achieve all those grand goals. The reality is that I don’t feel bad or guilty about it at all. I put in the time. I put in the time and effort and what I got from it is far more precious than anything I could have ever imagined. I sorted through and resolved so many emotional hurdles. I’m talking about serious stuff that I had been avoiding for years and years. Was it easy? Not always. Was it worth it? A big fat YES!
There is truly something so amazing that happens when you dig deep and work through it all. Writing has been an amazing healing tool for me. I would never have realized this if my husband had not convinced me to join Steemit all those months ago. Posting my first post was terrifying. Some days it still is, but it started the push to where I sit today. Steemit was the catalyst that started it all. Reading, writing, commenting and feeling like I belong somewhere. Somewhere I could open myself up and express myself as I am.
I was so used to being this or being that or forcing myself to be a version of myself that I thought I should be, that the whole experience woke me up. It lit a fire that hadn’t burnt for years. It started the journey that I needed to go on and I am so incredibly grateful for it. Grateful for the people whose blogs I read daily and for the inspiration that it has awoken. In the end I’m just incredibly grateful for the last six months.
I’m so grateful that I left that job and took this time to heal. In all honesty, if I hadn’t done it…
God only knows where I would have landed up today. What type of person would I have become? How much medication would I be on? How many health issues would I be sitting with?
So yes, I didn’t achieve all those goals that I wanted to. What I gained in the end was myself back. I got my new arms, legs and a pretty dress that I love. It just goes to show, sometimes the journey we start and the journey we end up on are not what we envision. In the end, if we follow our heart we end up on the one we were always supposed to be on in the first place.
Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling 😊
All Photos were taken by me 😊, with my Samsung Galaxy S8.
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