A few days ago I was talking to a friend who suggested I make my future books available as paperback as well as ebook. "What a grand idea!" I thought to myself. Especially after discovering the cost of my local printer. 😬
Let's see. $3.96 printing cost taken out of the profit of each book printed via Amazon? Or nearly $1000 upfront for 75 books?
My choice was clear.
The only thing that had been stopping me before was really the cover creation, the formatting of the document, and hoping that once it was all together it would actually print properly. Luckily, Amazon has TEMPLATES! And I decided to test the process out with Half Past the Moonfall, especially since I had edited it recently and decided that it's actually worthy of other human eyes. Thanks 
I rather like the cover. It's been entirely revamped! Looks much nicer, more professional. A cover worthy of gracing someone's bookshelf. AND I followed the template to a T. It was perfect. All I had to do was turn the PNG file into a PDF...
I was uncertain how to do such a thing, so naturally, as a normal person does in this situation, I turned to the great Google. I then discovered something called IrfanView which actually sounds very familiar, like I've used it once before but can't quite remember why I would have used it. So I turned it into a PDF and then focused on my document.
"Yessssss!" I thought to myself. "This is going swimmingly! Thank God Amazon had these templates available!"
Confident that all was going well, I proceeded to the paperback publishing page, inputted my information and uploaded the files, when, this happened:
"What!?" I screeched. "I used the correct template. What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe the PDF failed..."
So I turned the original PNG into a PDF with Windows Photo Viewer instead. Uploaded it. It was even more off-kilter. So I tore my hair out and found a free online converter tool. THAT WAS EVEN WORSE.
I spent hours trying to fix this damned cover image. Hunting for programs, free online tools, everything, that could turn this cover image into an appropriate PDF file for Amazon.
Nothing. Worked.
Finally, with my back aching from leaning of the laptop, my head pounding because I was getting pretty frustrated, I just clicked on the inbuilt Amazon Cover Creator thing, deleted all the garbage they threw on my image, and uploaded it that way instead.
It worked.
FAR OUT. What is the point of having TEMPLATES if they don't bloody work?? At least I know when I go to do Vengeance and future books, but, DAMN.
After that experience I took a nice hot shower, poured myself a whisky, then sat back, relaxed, and played some Enderal. Haha. It was going to take up to 72 hours for Amazon to verify my files and make it available for printing. It was time to play the waiting game.
Last night just before I went to bed, I was having a grand Twitter extravaganza with some fellow Hiveans and a couple bought my ebook and I was so super chuffed. 
Then!!! My email booped. My book was available for printing. "Yes!" I shouted. There would be no bed just yet, I needed to order my author copy!!
Oh. For. Fuck's. Sake. What is this, Amazon?
So after another hour of investigating, I discovered that because the Australian government was getting pissed at people buying overseas, they forced international sellers to slap the GST on things under $1000 so the government could still collect the tax money.
Apparently Amazon didn't want to deal with calculating an easy 10% and decided to just not sell to Australian customers via their international marketplaces anymore.
I was so angry. Still am, truth be told.
My partner is stuck in the US at the moment so I ordered my copy to be sent to him instead. It'll take about 20 days to be printed and shipped to him, and then he'll send it to me which will take another 2 months judging by the last physical correspondence he sent.
So. Frustrating.
I hate Amazon. I hate dealing with them. First they remove
All of a sudden, I am remembering all the reasons why I stopped being exclusive to Amazon last year.
Sigh.
That's it, thanks for reading my rant! ❤️
If, perchance, you're interested in your own copy, you can find it on Amazon!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MPZC8D7
Just, if you're Australian... good luck.
All images in this post are courtesy of myself.