For most of this year, I have had some level of confusion, some level of just not knowing, around what is next for me. For a few years I had a really simple & clear mission & description for myself. I was a traveling chef & healer... I traveled full time, cooking and doing body & energy work... Somewhere along the way I added event organizer... then writer... then steem-community-facilitator...
It has felt quite good to be unlocking new skills & classes, to be stepping into all sorts of new roles, and to be discovering new ways to be of service. At the same time, these new opportunities and different ways of being slowly eroded the simple "this is what I do" that I had built for myself... along with some general difficulties that come from not having my own space at any point, never really being "set up" anywhere, and the other difficulties of living in a backpack.
Over the last 10 days or so, I started diving into some pretty dark research, and it tipped me out of the pretty balanced, calm, good-feeling state I've been in for a while. After ranting about that and seeing the wonderful comments I've been getting on that research so far, I'm feeling a lot better. At the same time, it brought me back to this feeling of not knowing what to do next, where to focus, what role I should be playing.
Part of me balks at even that thought, because one of my desires has been to get away from playing roles of any kind besides just ME... but I am so multifaceted, and I can't have all my different ways being turned up to 100%, so I still have to chose where to focus, which parts of me I'm most playing with...
Thanks for listening. I'm so grateful for this life, even the most tricky & confusing parts of it.
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