Three weeks ago I was stopped by the cops, while minding my own business, walking down the freeway.
Can you believe that shit?
Then those fuckers arrested me for having a warrant for not paying child support. I know what you’re thinking, but you got it all wrong!
I don’t even have kids!
So I just spent the last few weeks fighting off shower attacks from old friends that I once snitched on, because my stupid ex-wife is still pretending like we have a kid.
This whole fake kid nonsense was her doing, it was only suppose to help us get money back from the government, not get me locked up!
My first wife used her access to crackheads from working at the methodone clinic to get a crack baby registered twice with the second birth certificate showing a different name and us as the parents.
At first it was great, the government gave us extra food stamps, WIC and free money at the end of the year, we were even able to buy stuff on credit using the fake kid’s SS number.
Sounds great, right?
Wrong!
After she left me, she had a judge order me to pay her $600 bucks a month for child support.
Can you believe this shit? It’s like the whole fucking world is out to get me!
Then she used the verdict to shake me down for stuff whenever she needed money to pay her dealer, sometimes she would just walk in my house with a bunch of crackheads and start taking shit.
Anyways, I’m finally out.
Jail sucked even worse than usual. When you first get in there you got to find a hustle, mine was always snitching, but I burnt too many bridges to make any money.
About an hour after being moved into population, some random guy casually walked up, removed his glasses, broke the sides off and then used them to stab me repeatedly.
I ended up having to get my second wife to JPay money into my account, so I could trade it for newspapers and toothbrushes to make ghetto armor and shanks.
Ugh...
This was my worst jail experience, ever!
And it looks like I might be going right back in next month if I don’t figure something out.
This sucks so bad!
I think my only option is to go to church to cheat at Bingo and use my winnings to buy drugs for my first wife, as a peace offering to get her to layoff and if that doesn’t work I’ll have to get my second wife to take care of the first wife.
I imagine she will do it for a pack of Marlboros, because they had a massive falling out, back when I was married to both of them, when we shared that trailer.
Wish me luck!