Attention to everyone: Soul searching 101 ahead with somebody who just recently got out of her teen years. So don't complain, you were warned. :-)
Hurricanes are destructive - except for where their pivot is.
Still reading? Well ok...
With the word pivot, most of you probably expect to read now something along the lines of me trying to figure out the purpose of my life or something related to this greatest of all questions. And don't worry, I am searching for that. But it is something different I am aiming for with the meaning of pivot.
The more I look around and try to see the motives behind the actions of people, the more I tend to believe that we all only have one flaw. Everyone of us has a different one, but we all have only one and everything we do - whether we succeed or fail - can be traced back to this single flaw. It is this single flaw in our life and rationality that makes us do the things we do in the first place and all consequences in our life are aligned around this flaw. That is the reason why I call it the pivot.
This pivot is centred in the right in the middle of our life and personality just like the eye of a hurricane and it is omnipresent. Just that we don't see it, we don't notice it and we can't control it and inevitably, at one point it will make us fail in life. Finally, we will even die from the consequences of that single flaw in our life.
A song fitting the mood of this post: Johnny Cash "Hurt"
Does this sound a bit scary?
Well, to me it does. Which is the reason why it is nagging in the back of my head and sometimes, it presents itself right in front of me. You may not be able to see your own pivot, but sometimes you can see the pivot of somebody else.
The last time I noticed a persons pivot was over the weekend, when I saw an old friend from high school. We weren't the closest back then and so we didn't have too many reasons to stay in contact after graduation. But she was always a likeable and positive person who tried to be likeable and positive to everyone. That attitude though came at a cost, which in her case was that she had troube to say "No". It hasn't existed much in her vocabulary, because sometimes that has the effect of being rude. And so she said yes to...
- Favors, when she needed time for herself
- Fun, when it was time to be serious
- Boyfriends, who confused using with loving
- Drugs (also the nasty kind), when she needed a clear head
I saw her standing in front of a motel in the shady part of town when waiting in a car at the crossing next to the motel. And just in case you lack the imagination: It's a place where drugs and prostitution are a common place. She didn't seem to be working, but I would put my money on that she was either leaving from "work" or heading there to do so.
So far, the word about her leaving the road to middle-class hasn't made the round, but I am sure people will be surprised when they realize that it happened to her, this likeable and positive girl with a very normal and unspectacular upbringing. It won't be me spreading the rumor, but I fear her face with its drug sedated muscles will break story at one point in the future.
She is probably an extreme case - at least I hope so. The pivot in her life became apparent very early and it only took about 3-4 years until it got her into such a grip that she will have to fight like a lion to get away again from that path she seems to be on right now.
On the surface, the reasons why this is happening to her may be wrong friends, or an abusive boyfriend, trouble at home, a failed test or ten or maybe she tried the wrong drug that she has a weakness for. Perhaps it is all of the above or more reasons that dragged her to where she is today.
As reasonable as such an explanation with multiple reasons may sound, there is one point speaking against it: There are others for whom the same factors apply, but who don't slip and prevail in life.
You may argue now that there might be additional factors, a whole multitude of them which decide whether somebody slips or prevails. But it still may be that there are some - or perhaps even the majority - for whom these factors apply as well, but who still prevail. That is the reason why I tend to think in the other direction.
A place where dreams come to die.
What if there are not multiple factors, but only one - a pivot?
My hunch is that in the described case, it was neither of the usually suspected reasons that got her into the maelstrom of an early decay, but the simple fact that she always tried to be likeable and positive to everyone. I don't know what got her to be like that - a psychoanalyst may throw in "childhood trauma" - but whatever it was, it got her to say "Yes" too often and "No" too little.
In only a few years, it this flaw her to a point where she is standing at a street corner selling her body for meth. A truly sad outcome for someone who only intended to be good.
I do think about ways of how I could possibly help her - or whether it is possible at all, since in some cases people simply have to hit rock bottom to realize they are on the wrong path. Some though never stand up again.
Besides these practical implications of what I have witnessed and realized about her, it also put into my mind this nagging question of what could be my own pivot. Where do I constantly fail while thinking I succeed and how long will it take, until I am looked on by somebody else who realizes what it is, but cannot tell me, because I have to learn it myself?
Beating the pivot works best in a team.
Most pivots unfold like slow poison - which is good news!
Most people grow old. At least physically, we all have a good chance to make it into our 70s. Psychologically, perhaps we fail earlier. Most men and women go through a mid-life crisis, a phase in life in which people perhaps realize the scope of their pivot for the first time.
On the other side, there are even some, who never have to face their one flaw and who die happily in their bed at an old age. Of course, I hope this will happen to me as well - and of course to you too - but there is always the chance to end up winded around your personal pivot while losing what you believed to be the purpose of your life.
Not a very positive perspective but still, a slow pivot seems much preferable than what is happening to my friend.
The drop of bitterness that comes with the pivot unfolding slowly is of course that we have many more chances to fail without even realizing it. Over and over through the years, we stumble forward an inevitably get driven towards this strange entity in our personality that is there but that isn't seen or noticed before it is too late...
I was hoping to find a positive spin at the end, but right now I am a bit stuck, to be honest.
Perhaps, our pivot is also the core of our personality. And too many people define their personality in relation to the image they present to others - something that it is tempting to me as well. But maybe looking at it as personality offers a successful path on which the pivot can be avoided to become relevant.
"Be yourself!" would be the answer. Be awkward, be moody, be silly - just be yourself. I imagine, the more you ignore what others have to judge about you, the less power your pivot can have over your life.
It will still be there and it surely will try and drive you towards the cliff. But it won't get a hold. It can't put its claws into the flesh of your self, but has to accept that you accept your imperfections and perhaps even laugh about them.
I think that may be it, the moral of this post: Be more self-ironic and try to smile despite what may be looming below the surface of your self. :-)
What's your take on this ominous pivot? Do you know yours? Did I scare you? Let me know in the comments!
Image Source: Metazone System,Trip Advisor, Gigaom