all my life i've wondered who am i? born in taiwan to a child mother, i was graced with a family who wanted me as their own. My cup overflowed with love, compassion,and generosity before mine own eyes, and i never knew it then. the lessons i learned as a child, to give till theres no more to give, to love till your heart stop beating, and to make people smile when its impossible to do, all have been a part of me now, even as an adult. my heart grows by the day with new and old friends who has touched me, and i have touched. i am very fortunate to have family around the world, my friends.
my friends re my family and my family is my heart. i grew up in a world of happiness, and privilages, my fathr was military, allowing us to travel the world, enableing me to see the world in eyes that others may never use. experience life in a world where life isnt cherished but used and forgotten. i am blessed to had the time on this planet to experience the smaller things in life and great parents whom taught me that its the small things that matter most, not how much u have.
growing up adopted is never easy as a child, being that my skin was not as fair as my parents, my hair was darker, and my eyes almond shaped. but i grew up like a bamboo tree, straight and tall, reaching for the sun to feel on my face. my body is riddled with pain now as i grown older. there are days my heart cries to give up. my mind begs me to forget the memories and be silent forever, but i cant. at times my legs are too weak to stand, and too uncomfortable to sit or lay, and my heart gets angry at my body for it not allowing me to do the things i wish and dream. i lay in bed thinking of dancing again, of running, having my hair thick and full and not be loosing it by the handfull each day. im afraid.
i never looked at myself as important as the others, i gave myself more because i wasnt the one who needed love. i have love. i wanted to give love back. but now i ask god many times to love me, to fix my body. to make me able to run again to jump to dance in the sun again, but i know it wont happen.
as i grew i learned there are limits to which one can partake. my body and mind has limited me . i can no longer run. and some days im lucky if i can stand for 2 hours straight or even sit that long. my diabeetes and kidney failure is killing me slowly i know. i get shakes all the time now, and my mind is weakening. as with my will. i goto bed now and dream of sunny places ill never see. but i hope that one day i will be warm.
i love the life ive lived, the friends ive made, and the places ive seen. im fortunate that my life is longer than it would had been if not adopted. that i thank my parents. i thank my friends for keeping me smileing when i feel i cannot smile.
i am sorry that im not the person many wished i could be, but i am robin, lopi, a free bird. u only got me in a cage for now, but i will be free.
